The New Normal

One of my favorite things to do since living in the city (NYC) is to wave and say hello to strangers on the street.  I love to do this, because I’m usually greeted back with a look a confusion. Sadly, I’m not sure people are used to genuine kindness from a stranger.  It happens, but perhaps maybe not as often as it should – I’m guilty of not doing it enough.

 

I also love to compliment strangers as well.  Some respond with surprise and gratefulness, while others are awkwardly trying to forget I ever said anything.  I’m not sure that we know how to respond to a genuine compliment. Is there a motive behind that compliment? Do you need something? Want something? What’s the catch? It’s sad, isn’t it?

 

I find it intimidating to be kind to a stranger when it’s not reciprocated.  I feel foolish, and kind of dorky. Here I am with a goofy grin on my face, and the other person is just staring at me in annoyance.   Oh well. At least I still did it.

In most recent years, I’ve come to notice something really profound when I take a moment to listen, acknowledge, or say hello to another person (heck, even a stranger).  We aren’t  as DIFFERENT from one another as we think we are.

 

We all want the same three things: Acceptance, love, and forgiveness. The details, years, and experiences in between those three common themes can vary with each person, but at the core of every human being, is a longing for those three things.  It doesn’t matter how confident a person can appear. You might even look at some man in a nice suit, and think, “oh. Well he must have it all together. He must have a substantial amount of funds in his account, and here I am struggling from paycheck to paycheck.”  When in reality, that man may have the poorest and saddest heart imaginable. He may be spending 100 hours in the office, just to escape the fact that he has a marriage that is falling apart, as a result of the tragic loss of his first born just a few months prior.

 

We’ve all suffered loss. All of us. We have all longed to be accepted by someone, loved by someone, and forgiven by someone. 

 

I think sometimes, we try to separate ourselves from another individual because we’ve been hurt. Maybe we choose to separate from another people group because we’ve been continually hurt, ostracized and abused by an individual (or individuals) from that people group. Wounds are real. But even more real, is the act of forgiveness. I don’t say any of this lightly, because of the current state of the “heart and soul” of our country, and need I say, WORLD. The idea that unforgiveness is an validated way to continue living your life, breaks my heart in a million ways. I can’t fix it. Honestly, it’s incredibly overwhelming, because that's how a lot of us live. We feel that there is no need to forgive someone who hurt us, or someone we love. We are happy to live our lives holding on to a suitcase filled with unforgiveness.

Here's a thought: That's not a burden we were meant to carry. Stop packing that suitcase with more crap. There's a Savor for carrying that kind of thing. His name is Jesus. More on that later.

 

What if we decided to look at others differently? What if, instead of assuming the worst about others – EVEN WHEN they treat us unjustly, that we extended kindness and compassion? It will probably be the most uncomfortable act that we do. We all know that ONE person who doesn't deserve any kindness. What if we were to look at ourselves in the metaphorical mirror of the forgiveness scale we so easily judge others? Would we extend kindness then? We should.

 

Quite honestly, forgiving and choosing to see the best in others can be incredibly frightening. It can make us feel weak, and not in control. When in fact, we are even more in control than when we give into the anger, bitterness, judgment.

 

Here’s a challenge for all of us.  It may even change your whole life - starting with your immediate perspective: Reach out to a stranger – someone that you’ve never met and probably would never normally speak to. Deliberately pick someone that intimidates you. Start a conversation with them, compliment them, smile at them and say hello…wherever that leads you.  You may find that person to be the most incredible individual that you’ve ever met. You may find a story within that person that speaks louder than the differences you thought you had with them.

 

Be a light in a very dark world. Reach down into the deepest part of your heart and find the courage to be different. Be that one person smiling on the subway when everyone else is grumbling and glaring at you in disgust. You never know what your smile, hello, compliment, and listening ear will be for another person. It may even be the difference between life and death for someone.

 

Jesus forgave when He knew we would betray and turn against Him. He forgave when He knew we’d be the ones crucifying Him. He loves us, even when He knows we are about to do something stupid. He looks at us with so much love that our minds would probably explode if He were here in person. I want to love like that. I want to love so liberally, so unconditionally, that others find me to be foolish. So, I guess…what I really want to be is that girl with the big goofy grin on her face after giving someone a genuine compliment, hello, or wave.  I might be called “weird” here and there, but that’s just because it’s not normal. 

 

Let’s make it normal.

On the Defense

I’m about to share something with you that is very personal, raw, and well…a little bit embarrassing. Let this be (by the grace of God) a glimpse of encouragement – and even more so, a light in a dark place.  I pray that what I’m about to share with you will be so much more than my vulnerability. I hope you see and feel hope in these words.

 

When did I become so defensive?  At what point in my life did I feel the need to defend all that I am to every person? In my job, my relationships, and even…with God. When did my insecurity (unbeknownst to me!) unravel so much that I felt I needed to pick up the pieces and defend my weaknesses?

The other day, whilst getting ready for work, I realized how incredibly insecure I had been in the last year. I let the opinions of other people, or the desire to please others, so that everyone could be comfortable or included, lead me in making decisions. No one’s fault, but mine!  HOW EXHAUSTING. Sure, I’ve had my share of insecure moments.  I mean, don’t we all? The problem is that my insecurity had become much bigger, smellier, uglier, because I believed some of my insecurities were justified.

I was sitting on my bed going over and over in my head how I had let myself get to this place of “defense” in every area of my life. I immediately began to pray.  I’ve learned over the years, that if I believe God is putting his “finger” on an area of my life that I need Him to help me with, then I’d better listen. That means tuning out every other voice. EVEN my own.  

“God, how did I get here?”

There will be many times in life when we make decisions that won’t be popular or understood.  It’s not up to us to please the “crowd.”  Jesus didn’t worry about offending someone for speaking truth (in love, by the way…huge difference from just spouting out) He only wanted to please His Father in EVERYTHING.  He is the ultimate example of confidence. He never felt the need to defend himself. Even when He was being beaten, bruised, and mistreated. Even in the midst of one of the greatest betrayals we will ever read about, He remained confident of His purpose on earth.

When I truly walk in confidence, my need to defend myself becomes be less and less necessary.  I don’t need to defend my character, my ability to do my job well, or even my reason for why I was chosen for any great opportunity in life.  God placed me where I am, and has given me all the abilities and skills that I need.  Even greater - He LOVES me. Everything else…every other opinion, is secondary.  Every time that I doubt my ability or my “deserving” of anything great, I am discounting the power of God that lives with in me. 

Living “freely and lightly” as Matthew 11: 28-30 tells us, can only happen when we get with God, and pay attention to how He leads us.  So…let’s stop trying to have it “all together.” Whatever that looks like for you.  It’s ok to not be the best, to be the wisest, to be the best leader, friend, husband, wife, sister or brother.  Matthew 11 also reminds us to “learn the unforced rhythms of grace.” WOW, what a great reminder! Every time I read this, I feel as though the scripture is saying, “WHY ARE YOU TRYING SO HARD!?”

Maybe some of you are further along in this area of your life. If so, please stay that way.  Please continue to live bold and courageous lives so that others can see what confidence looks like. Don’t shrink back because you feel you don’t deserve where you are. The truth is, none of us do. Let that be a sweet reminder of the most wonderful grace of God in your life.  And…for the love of all things amazing (including chips and guacamole), don’t believe for a second that being confident means you aren’t humble! MY GOODNESS…I hate that lie. True confidence is a beautiful thing to watch. A man or woman that walks confidently, knows their purpose in life and isn’t ruled by the thoughts or opinions of others.  Confidence isn’t afraid of criticism, because it knows when to listen and when to dismiss it.  Confidence doesn’t avoid confrontation or critique because changing for the better is the greatest challenge and reward.

So, Walk in it. Breathe it. Live it. Speak it.

When you’re tempted to defend yourself, just stop, take a breath, and listen to what God is saying about you. I guarantee you it’s nothing but love and belief in you!

Anxious for NOTHING

It has been quite some time since I’ve sat down to write anything. My excuse? Well, I could come up with a few.

“My laptop died, and will not raise back to life.” (Dramatic, but also the truth)

“I hate typing anything of huge weight or substance on my phone.” (This is for many reasons…again excuses)

Or, the most REAL and raw of reasons:

“I have been so stressed, weighted with anxiety and stress that I cannot imagine sharing another piece of me.”

Heavy, I know. Trust me, I don’t mean to be that way. Often times, I force my arms or legs to do funny and ridiculous moves to try and shake myself out of the introspective place I am in some days.  Some days, I feel like I haven’t changed a bit. Am I the same person I was 5 years ago…2 years ago…or even last year?

“Gosh…I hope not.”

These last 8 months, I have felt more anxiety than I have in all the years leading up to this one – combined. I don’t understand it. Some days, I grab ahold of the words and promises of God, and I take anxiety by the “metaphorical” neck and throw it out back where the unwanted trash goes. On those days, I’m on top of the world. I feel closest to God. I can feel His presence more than anything, and it strengthens my bones. Literally, life breathing into my bones.

But then there are days (not often) when I don’t “feel” as strong. “Have I been defeated, again?  God, are you there?”  Through the dark glasses I (at some point) put on, and try to see the sunshine through them. I have forgotten about the promises of God, and I have forgotten that He has already defeated my enemy.  Then something truly incredible happens…in the midst of the anxiety that has somehow taken over, I hear His still, calm, and protective voice.  Maybe not audibly, but in my heart…in my spirit.  He reminds me – again - of His promises. He reminds me of his love and grace to be able to do ALL things in His name. It is literal LIFE, breathing into my bones. 

So, you see…He still wins. God still wins.  I am not sure why I have dealt with anxiety for this long and for this time. I can tell you that I know it’s not what my Father, God wants for me. I can also tell you that He is with me, even in the heaviest part of it.  

Let me encourage you, even in my weakness. Call out to God, and HE will be there. I love how the Lord tells us in Deuteronomy 30:14 – “The word is very near to you…it is as near as the tongue in your mouth, as near as the heart in your chest...”

Psalm 145:18 says, “The Lord is near is to all who call on Him...”

Oh what a beautiful, beautiful promise. What a hope-filled promise! That’s enough to put that smile back on your face, and a joyful belly-aching laugh back in your tummy! (Yes I said tummy…because that’s what you call it when you’re a child. God’s in the business of freeing us to the point where we see things with a child-like spirit.)

I love my church. I am also so blessed that I am a part of a church that creates some really good music.  The most recent album is called “EMPIRES.” TRUST ME…you want to listen to this. Even if you’re thinking, “I don’t even go to church.” PERFECT, actually. One of my favorite tunes on the album is so close to the life-giving words I have felt from Jesus, and the prayers I have prayed in response.  Check it out. I think you’ll be glad you did.

 

CLOSER THAN YOU KNOW - Hillsong United

I tempered the storm
Though your faith was small
I prayed while you slept
And the night waged war
We stood in the fire
And we walked on sea
And we drank of the wine
That was made of Me

Don't turn your eyes from Me
For My love won't be undone
Don't hide your face from Me
For My light has surely come

I carried that cross
And I felt your pain
I took up your crown
And I wore your shame
And death was a fire
And its teeth were grim
But I left it behind
Along with all your sin

Don't turn away from Me
For My love won't be undone
Don't hide your face from Me
For My light has surely come
Surely Come surely come

Lift up your eyes and see
Heaven is closer than you know
Lift up your voice and sing
Know that My love won't let you go
And I won't forsake you

And My light has surely come
Surely come surely come
And I'm closer than you know
And I'm closer than you know

Lord, I hear You I know You're there
Closer now than my skin and bones could dare
Breathing deep within me
You are always with me

I can see You where eyes can't stare
Brighter now than the sun could ever dare
Breathing all around me
God I know You're with me here

And my soul knows well
You are here

You are here
And my soul will praise You
And my soul will praise Your Name
Singing Holy is Your Name
Jesus

From One Woman to Another

Let’s be honest, Ladies…we can be brutal and awful to one another.  We can be judgmental, conniving, jealous, competitive, and threatened by one another.  For some reason (especially in NYC), we feel the need to do whatever it takes to climb to the top – even if it means that someone gets hurt along the way.

“It’s not personal, it’s just business.”

We sometimes assume the worst about another woman, especially if we feel threatened by their beauty. Am I the only one?

I think NOT.

I wonder… I wonder what life would be like if women uplifted one another instead of tearing each other down.  I wonder what insecurities would dissipate if we assumed the best about one another, EVEN if the other person’s motives aren’t good.

Now I know you’re probably thinking – “oh Nat, that’s cute. You want the world to be a better place. That’s so cute and naïve.”

Yeah, perhaps it is. But you see; I’ve actually seen what this looks like. I’ve seen it, and I’ve actually felt what this is like. It’s as real as the chair you are sitting on whilst reading this.

I’m a part of an amazing church that believes in women and the purpose they bring to this world. I actually know quite a few churches like this. Amazingly enough, the men in our church believe in us and support us as well. And even MORE, the women in our church lift each other up. We support one another…and we celebrate the beauty and successes in one another.  GASP. We SUPPORT THE SUCCESSES AND BEAUTY IN ONE ANOTHER?! YUP.

I don’t know about you, Ladies.  But I actually find this quality in other women  refreshing. It makes me want to be friends with women who carry this kind of grace-filled love for one another. And may I please add, that I actually (maybe I’m wrong) think that men find this attractive as well. I think Men might even respect a woman more when she exhibits this kind of humility towards other women.

What is more attractive than a woman who is confident enough to applaud and compliment another woman?

That doesn’t mean that we don’t deal with insecurity and feeling “ugly” or “fat” some days. It means that in SPITE of how we “feel,” we can still muster up enough love and confidence in who we are to reach out to another woman (even if we feel threatened by them in any way) to offer GENUINE kindness. Key word – GENUINE.

If I may… be so bold to say a few little “tid-bits.”

Please – for the love of the FATHER GOD in Heaven, Let’s STOP using the excuse that we are just hormonal. PLEASE.

I get it. Our hormones are a bit out of our control at times, and can be interesting to navigate for some women who do have an imbalance. For the rest of us, who actually have no excuse – let’s not use it anymore…ok? Ok.

So when we have moments where we are less than “pleasurable” to be around, how about we extend an extra bit of grace for one another. Recognize those moments of weakness, and go the extra mile.

Imagine if other women looked to YOU to be the “light” in their life. Imagine if instead of someone being turned off by your constant insecurity that outworks itself in rudeness or aloofness, that they are drawn to the fact that you INCLUDE others.  Gosh, I love when I meet other women that are inclusive! It makes me want to be a better person…and it challenges me to be more intentional about including others.

So how about it, Ladies? Let’s be more encouraging to one another.

Instead of getting upset with your friend who got the part you wanted in the show, or got the modeling job with the company that you wanted, that you celebrate with them instead.

Instead of allowing jealousy and hurt poison your heart because “everyone else is getting married and you aren’t”…that you celebrate.  TRUST ME; I know what this feels like. And I made a decision – a deliberate decision that I would celebrate with my friends, because I knew that my day would come. SO SUCK IT UP, and just be happy for each other! (Side note: my friends are AWESOME at this.)

I’ll leave you with this…

I think there is an incredible power in unity; especially when women come together to help one another. We can get a lot more accomplished this way.  Life is a LOT more enjoyable when we work together as well.

We don’t all have to be best friends, but we really should learn to work together better. It’s not impossible…but it may take a bit more humility on our part. Are you up for it?

 

Can I sit with you? - (The Struggle to Belong)

Growing up, I heard a lot of stories from kids my age whose parents sat them down, and told them that they would be moving to another city.  As a kid, there is an immediate "panic-dread" feeling that overwhelms you the minute you find out that you have to move to another city, state, or school.  Your life is now over. Done.

"But, I don't want to leave my friends! How will I make new ones?!"

Or..something like that. Even if you were the "cool" kid in school, you may not be in the next place - scary. Funny how that doesn't change with age.  "What if people don't like me in my new job?"

Let's just call it what it is. Let's just be honest with ourselves, and admit what we have all felt (at some point in our lives).  We just want to belong somewhere.

Years ago, a teen flick movie was released in theaters that uplifted the idea of popular, beautiful girls who bullied anyone who didn't fit into their ridiculous criteria.  I remember watching this movie with my friends, and I hated it. My immediate response was anger and frustration that this was something that thousands of young people would watch, laugh at, and imitate.

I realize that my response was perhaps a tad bit dramatic, but nonetheless, I hated this movie.  I've since watched it, and can look at it with a more "light-hearted" viewpoint, but I'm still not sure that I ever want to be "ok" with this movie.  And YES, I do realize there is a greater "moral" in this movie, that was SORT of communicated at the end of the movie.

I digress on that.

I think it's easy to look at other people and feel like you're the only one who doesn't belong.  You compare your life with theirs, and find a million and one reasons why you don't belong, and why EVERYONE ELSE does.

"Does anyone even notice me?"

OBVIOUSLY, THAT IS RIDICULOUS!! (and the biggest lie from the devil - he's such an idiot...and he's been feeding the same lie for centuries. Nothing new).

It's like the kids say these days, "Story of my life..." Ha.  Funny thing is, I'm sure a lot of people feel this way, and no one else would know it.

The more I think about this whole "fitting in" concept, the more I realize that sometimes when we "fit in," we end up becoming someone that we hate - or someone that isn't truly who we are.  We become more exclusive, instead of inclusive...and THAT, to me, is even more scary.

When I'm reminded I don't quite fit in whatever/wherever, I'm also reminded that someone else feels the same way.  The real truth, folks: I'm not sure any of us really fit in. I don't mean that in the way that you might think.  We all matter, but I don't necessarily believe we are all meant to fit in.

We are blessed enough to have friends/family that love us for who we are.  They love us with all of our insane thoughts, stupid immature moments, and more obviously - our endearing qualities.

Let's look at the idea of healthy FAMILY for a second.  A healthy family isn't perfect.  Each member within that family has different qualities, desires, dreams, and even faults.  How is that they all fit in though? Because each one of those members has made a decision to love each of the others, with no strings attached. They don't love them because they have everything in common, but just simply because of who they are.

THAT, is what belonging is all about.

Some of my best friends are incredibly good at making people feel welcomed - and truthfully, that is why they are my friends.  I find it difficult to be close with anyone who doesn't think that way.

EveryONE belongs, and everyONE matters.  If I can't find a commonality with someone, I try harder. I am primarily an introvert - but that's no excuse for being "too shy" to include someone else. And when I don't feel like I fit in, I try harder to make sure someone else doesn't feel the same way.  Then the most beautiful thing happens.  In the process of helping someone else, I am reminded that my part matters, and even more, that people matter. My focus shifts from me to others.

Jesus was/is the ultimate example of including others.  When He gave His life on the cross, He thought of US. Not just one person...all of us.  He thought of the world, present and future.  He didn't fit in either, but yet He is the son of God. If there was ever an example to follow, it's His. He didn't fit in, was shamed and persecuted, but yet He loved relentlessly.

I started writing this a few weeks back in a moment of weakness. I knew how I felt was real, but silly. Most of all, I knew I wasn't the only one.  But this is becoming less and less about me, and more about how I can do my part to include others.

Hopefully we are learning to grow in this as we get older.  Hopefully, we are teaching those after us how to do this.  I'm seriously tired of: "You can't sit with us!"

I'm going to start asking: "Can I sit WITH you?"

The Truth about Joy and other things...

I’m going to be as real and as raw as possible in this blog post…and I hope, if anything, it provides some sort of therapy for my mind. 

Here’s the brutal honesty.  I think most people put their “best foot forward” when it comes to social media.  Someone once commented on a photo I posted about laying in the grass and enjoying every moment, “Wow, your life is nearly perfect huh?”

I laughed really hard at that comment before replying…and for longer than 10 seconds.  The thing is, my life isn’t perfect..nobody’s life is! But I guess, for a few moments, every once in awhile, I like to celebrate the really really small things.  Because when we learn to celebrate the really really “seemingly insignificant” things/moments in life…we learn to enjoy life more. 

Sadly, I didn’t really learn that until I was in my late twenties, almost thirties.  

I HATE my job.  Hate it…in fact, I’d say that when I think about my job, I get a little sick feeling in the pitt of my stomach that doesn’t go away until I take a moment to pray about it. You see, my current job didn’t always give me that feeling.  I used to wake up, knowing I had a lot of work awaiting me, but I never had that nervous, sick, “so stressed out” I can barely get through this migraine feeling.  The past few months have been a continuation of this very feeling…day after day.  The weekends never quite seem long enough, and the moments when I’m enjoying life with the ones I love…never quite seem long enough.

I hate that. I despise the fact that I am so discontent.  I think what’s worse, is the fact that those feelings can so easily creep in and poison the beautiful things in life. 

I woke up this morning…trying to find an excuse to miss work.  But it’s not in my heart to ever be dishonest to get out of work, even when I think I deserve it.  (It’s a personal thing.. my parents instilled into me amazing principles in honesty).

Now, I could list all of the reasons why my job is an unhealthy place to work at…and also why I know it’s not somewhere I want to stay, but it would be pointless. It would be pointless, because maybe it’s a great place for someone else to work.  Obviously I want this business to grow and flourish…just without me. 

To answer the question I’m sure you are asking…YES, I am looking for another job. 

Here’s where it gets good.

Just when I think that things can’t get any worse at my job…God always steps in and shows Himself faithful.  I wish I could share the details, but all i’m going to say is that God is good.  

There are those moments in life when you feel a little bit “hopeless” about a certain situation, and it’s in those moments that I believe God sends reminders..

“I’m with you…I haven’t left…I’m still here…and I’m going to take care of this.”

I know my job story is SO minimal when compared to so many of yours, but let this small small example be a reminder that He is with you in whatever battle you are walking through.

I woke up this morning hearing the holy spirit remind me to CHOOSE JOY. My first response was, “REALLY?! Joy?! There is no joy at my job.”

Hahaha!…and quickly I was reminded all over again of the fact that I have a job. 

And that’s all I needed to shut up.  

In saying that, I do not believe God wants us to be miserable in life.  So, I am believing and trusting for more. I’m believing God has the perfect job out there for me..a job that I’m excited about.  I’m believing for an Ephesians 3:20 kind of job…”beyond what I could even think or ask…”

It’s definitely out there. Until then, I may hate my job…but I will choose JOY.  

I’m just gonna start laughing at all the dumb things that happen throughout my day instead of getting mad.  

I’m sure people will start thinking I’m crazy, but whatever. At least I’m laughing!!!

Also, here are some beautiful scripture reminders of joy:

James 1:2-3

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."

Romans 15:13

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

John 16:22

"So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy."

My Morning Heart Explosion

I woke up this morning feeling like my heart was going to explode.

Well, that was AFTER the fact that I deliberately neglected to go to the gym.  You see, aside from the fact that I somehow manage to get to work at least an hour before my other colleagues, mornings aren't my strong suit.  One day, I'll be a champion at mornings.  (Insert, "I have a dream" speech...which is completely NOT related, ha!)

My heart....yes, my heart.  I admit that I am quite the emotional person.  Most of my emotion is internal, which can be a great thing...and can also turn into the most ridiculously selfish thirty second display of emotion.

Picture this.

I'm walking to work (subway ride, included), headphones in, listening to a BETHEL song (for those of you who don't know who they are...check this: www.bethelmusic.com ) on the highest setting I can put my iphone on without disturbing anyone else.  There is a bridge to the song which says:

Bless the Lord, Oh my soul cries out
All that is within me, Praise
Bless the Lord, Oh my soul cries out
All that is within me, Praise


Simple?  Yes, it is.  But the best part about something as simple and declarative as these words, is the fact that we sing them no matter how we feel.  I'm actually in what I would consider a "mountaintop season."  Is everything perfect? No, not at all.  But my soul is well.  I can see areas of my life that I was trusting God for breakthrough, actually bearing fruit.  As i'm listening to this song, all I can think of is how faithful God has been through everything.

Then, I start to think about how good Jesus is...

How He saved me...and how He continues to save me.

How He has won my heart...and how He continues to win my heart.

I'm thinking about how much He knows me more than I know myself.

How He has relentlessly pursued me since the day I was born, and still continues to.

How He takes care of my family, when I can't be near them.

How He takes captive every single thought that isn't from Him...and replaces it with love.

How He knows my mistakes..and still gives me what I don't deserve.

He has forever WON my heart (and all of my emotions!) ...and I will gladly let Him.


If anyone has earned it, He has.

I'm not sure if this post has any one theme, other than to say...Keep remembering His goodness.  Keep looking heavenward when all you see is calamity, chaos, confusion, and brokenness.  If you are in your BEST moments, remember Him.

He never forgets us... ever.

I'll leave you with a verse that I have prayed so many times:

Psalm 51:12 "Restore to me the joy of your salvation.  And grant me a willing spirit to sustain me."

The Message version is mind blowing:

^7-15Soak me in your laundry and I’ll come out clean,
    scrub me and I’ll have a snow-white life.
Tune me in to foot-tapping songs,
    set these once-broken bones to dancing.
Don’t look too close for blemishes,
    give me a clean bill of health.
God, make a fresh start in me,
    shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life.
Don’t throw me out with the trash,
    or fail to breathe holiness in me.
Bring me back from gray exile,
    put a fresh wind in my sails!
Give me a job teaching rebels your ways
    so the lost can find their way home.
Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God,
    and I’ll sing anthems to your life-giving ways.
Unbutton my lips, dear God;    I’ll let loose with your praise."