The New Normal

One of my favorite things to do since living in the city (NYC) is to wave and say hello to strangers on the street.  I love to do this, because I’m usually greeted back with a look a confusion. Sadly, I’m not sure people are used to genuine kindness from a stranger.  It happens, but perhaps maybe not as often as it should – I’m guilty of not doing it enough.

 

I also love to compliment strangers as well.  Some respond with surprise and gratefulness, while others are awkwardly trying to forget I ever said anything.  I’m not sure that we know how to respond to a genuine compliment. Is there a motive behind that compliment? Do you need something? Want something? What’s the catch? It’s sad, isn’t it?

 

I find it intimidating to be kind to a stranger when it’s not reciprocated.  I feel foolish, and kind of dorky. Here I am with a goofy grin on my face, and the other person is just staring at me in annoyance.   Oh well. At least I still did it.

In most recent years, I’ve come to notice something really profound when I take a moment to listen, acknowledge, or say hello to another person (heck, even a stranger).  We aren’t  as DIFFERENT from one another as we think we are.

 

We all want the same three things: Acceptance, love, and forgiveness. The details, years, and experiences in between those three common themes can vary with each person, but at the core of every human being, is a longing for those three things.  It doesn’t matter how confident a person can appear. You might even look at some man in a nice suit, and think, “oh. Well he must have it all together. He must have a substantial amount of funds in his account, and here I am struggling from paycheck to paycheck.”  When in reality, that man may have the poorest and saddest heart imaginable. He may be spending 100 hours in the office, just to escape the fact that he has a marriage that is falling apart, as a result of the tragic loss of his first born just a few months prior.

 

We’ve all suffered loss. All of us. We have all longed to be accepted by someone, loved by someone, and forgiven by someone. 

 

I think sometimes, we try to separate ourselves from another individual because we’ve been hurt. Maybe we choose to separate from another people group because we’ve been continually hurt, ostracized and abused by an individual (or individuals) from that people group. Wounds are real. But even more real, is the act of forgiveness. I don’t say any of this lightly, because of the current state of the “heart and soul” of our country, and need I say, WORLD. The idea that unforgiveness is an validated way to continue living your life, breaks my heart in a million ways. I can’t fix it. Honestly, it’s incredibly overwhelming, because that's how a lot of us live. We feel that there is no need to forgive someone who hurt us, or someone we love. We are happy to live our lives holding on to a suitcase filled with unforgiveness.

Here's a thought: That's not a burden we were meant to carry. Stop packing that suitcase with more crap. There's a Savor for carrying that kind of thing. His name is Jesus. More on that later.

 

What if we decided to look at others differently? What if, instead of assuming the worst about others – EVEN WHEN they treat us unjustly, that we extended kindness and compassion? It will probably be the most uncomfortable act that we do. We all know that ONE person who doesn't deserve any kindness. What if we were to look at ourselves in the metaphorical mirror of the forgiveness scale we so easily judge others? Would we extend kindness then? We should.

 

Quite honestly, forgiving and choosing to see the best in others can be incredibly frightening. It can make us feel weak, and not in control. When in fact, we are even more in control than when we give into the anger, bitterness, judgment.

 

Here’s a challenge for all of us.  It may even change your whole life - starting with your immediate perspective: Reach out to a stranger – someone that you’ve never met and probably would never normally speak to. Deliberately pick someone that intimidates you. Start a conversation with them, compliment them, smile at them and say hello…wherever that leads you.  You may find that person to be the most incredible individual that you’ve ever met. You may find a story within that person that speaks louder than the differences you thought you had with them.

 

Be a light in a very dark world. Reach down into the deepest part of your heart and find the courage to be different. Be that one person smiling on the subway when everyone else is grumbling and glaring at you in disgust. You never know what your smile, hello, compliment, and listening ear will be for another person. It may even be the difference between life and death for someone.

 

Jesus forgave when He knew we would betray and turn against Him. He forgave when He knew we’d be the ones crucifying Him. He loves us, even when He knows we are about to do something stupid. He looks at us with so much love that our minds would probably explode if He were here in person. I want to love like that. I want to love so liberally, so unconditionally, that others find me to be foolish. So, I guess…what I really want to be is that girl with the big goofy grin on her face after giving someone a genuine compliment, hello, or wave.  I might be called “weird” here and there, but that’s just because it’s not normal. 

 

Let’s make it normal.

On the Defense

I’m about to share something with you that is very personal, raw, and well…a little bit embarrassing. Let this be (by the grace of God) a glimpse of encouragement – and even more so, a light in a dark place.  I pray that what I’m about to share with you will be so much more than my vulnerability. I hope you see and feel hope in these words.

 

When did I become so defensive?  At what point in my life did I feel the need to defend all that I am to every person? In my job, my relationships, and even…with God. When did my insecurity (unbeknownst to me!) unravel so much that I felt I needed to pick up the pieces and defend my weaknesses?

The other day, whilst getting ready for work, I realized how incredibly insecure I had been in the last year. I let the opinions of other people, or the desire to please others, so that everyone could be comfortable or included, lead me in making decisions. No one’s fault, but mine!  HOW EXHAUSTING. Sure, I’ve had my share of insecure moments.  I mean, don’t we all? The problem is that my insecurity had become much bigger, smellier, uglier, because I believed some of my insecurities were justified.

I was sitting on my bed going over and over in my head how I had let myself get to this place of “defense” in every area of my life. I immediately began to pray.  I’ve learned over the years, that if I believe God is putting his “finger” on an area of my life that I need Him to help me with, then I’d better listen. That means tuning out every other voice. EVEN my own.  

“God, how did I get here?”

There will be many times in life when we make decisions that won’t be popular or understood.  It’s not up to us to please the “crowd.”  Jesus didn’t worry about offending someone for speaking truth (in love, by the way…huge difference from just spouting out) He only wanted to please His Father in EVERYTHING.  He is the ultimate example of confidence. He never felt the need to defend himself. Even when He was being beaten, bruised, and mistreated. Even in the midst of one of the greatest betrayals we will ever read about, He remained confident of His purpose on earth.

When I truly walk in confidence, my need to defend myself becomes be less and less necessary.  I don’t need to defend my character, my ability to do my job well, or even my reason for why I was chosen for any great opportunity in life.  God placed me where I am, and has given me all the abilities and skills that I need.  Even greater - He LOVES me. Everything else…every other opinion, is secondary.  Every time that I doubt my ability or my “deserving” of anything great, I am discounting the power of God that lives with in me. 

Living “freely and lightly” as Matthew 11: 28-30 tells us, can only happen when we get with God, and pay attention to how He leads us.  So…let’s stop trying to have it “all together.” Whatever that looks like for you.  It’s ok to not be the best, to be the wisest, to be the best leader, friend, husband, wife, sister or brother.  Matthew 11 also reminds us to “learn the unforced rhythms of grace.” WOW, what a great reminder! Every time I read this, I feel as though the scripture is saying, “WHY ARE YOU TRYING SO HARD!?”

Maybe some of you are further along in this area of your life. If so, please stay that way.  Please continue to live bold and courageous lives so that others can see what confidence looks like. Don’t shrink back because you feel you don’t deserve where you are. The truth is, none of us do. Let that be a sweet reminder of the most wonderful grace of God in your life.  And…for the love of all things amazing (including chips and guacamole), don’t believe for a second that being confident means you aren’t humble! MY GOODNESS…I hate that lie. True confidence is a beautiful thing to watch. A man or woman that walks confidently, knows their purpose in life and isn’t ruled by the thoughts or opinions of others.  Confidence isn’t afraid of criticism, because it knows when to listen and when to dismiss it.  Confidence doesn’t avoid confrontation or critique because changing for the better is the greatest challenge and reward.

So, Walk in it. Breathe it. Live it. Speak it.

When you’re tempted to defend yourself, just stop, take a breath, and listen to what God is saying about you. I guarantee you it’s nothing but love and belief in you!

Anxious for NOTHING

It has been quite some time since I’ve sat down to write anything. My excuse? Well, I could come up with a few.

“My laptop died, and will not raise back to life.” (Dramatic, but also the truth)

“I hate typing anything of huge weight or substance on my phone.” (This is for many reasons…again excuses)

Or, the most REAL and raw of reasons:

“I have been so stressed, weighted with anxiety and stress that I cannot imagine sharing another piece of me.”

Heavy, I know. Trust me, I don’t mean to be that way. Often times, I force my arms or legs to do funny and ridiculous moves to try and shake myself out of the introspective place I am in some days.  Some days, I feel like I haven’t changed a bit. Am I the same person I was 5 years ago…2 years ago…or even last year?

“Gosh…I hope not.”

These last 8 months, I have felt more anxiety than I have in all the years leading up to this one – combined. I don’t understand it. Some days, I grab ahold of the words and promises of God, and I take anxiety by the “metaphorical” neck and throw it out back where the unwanted trash goes. On those days, I’m on top of the world. I feel closest to God. I can feel His presence more than anything, and it strengthens my bones. Literally, life breathing into my bones.

But then there are days (not often) when I don’t “feel” as strong. “Have I been defeated, again?  God, are you there?”  Through the dark glasses I (at some point) put on, and try to see the sunshine through them. I have forgotten about the promises of God, and I have forgotten that He has already defeated my enemy.  Then something truly incredible happens…in the midst of the anxiety that has somehow taken over, I hear His still, calm, and protective voice.  Maybe not audibly, but in my heart…in my spirit.  He reminds me – again - of His promises. He reminds me of his love and grace to be able to do ALL things in His name. It is literal LIFE, breathing into my bones. 

So, you see…He still wins. God still wins.  I am not sure why I have dealt with anxiety for this long and for this time. I can tell you that I know it’s not what my Father, God wants for me. I can also tell you that He is with me, even in the heaviest part of it.  

Let me encourage you, even in my weakness. Call out to God, and HE will be there. I love how the Lord tells us in Deuteronomy 30:14 – “The word is very near to you…it is as near as the tongue in your mouth, as near as the heart in your chest...”

Psalm 145:18 says, “The Lord is near is to all who call on Him...”

Oh what a beautiful, beautiful promise. What a hope-filled promise! That’s enough to put that smile back on your face, and a joyful belly-aching laugh back in your tummy! (Yes I said tummy…because that’s what you call it when you’re a child. God’s in the business of freeing us to the point where we see things with a child-like spirit.)

I love my church. I am also so blessed that I am a part of a church that creates some really good music.  The most recent album is called “EMPIRES.” TRUST ME…you want to listen to this. Even if you’re thinking, “I don’t even go to church.” PERFECT, actually. One of my favorite tunes on the album is so close to the life-giving words I have felt from Jesus, and the prayers I have prayed in response.  Check it out. I think you’ll be glad you did.

 

CLOSER THAN YOU KNOW - Hillsong United

I tempered the storm
Though your faith was small
I prayed while you slept
And the night waged war
We stood in the fire
And we walked on sea
And we drank of the wine
That was made of Me

Don't turn your eyes from Me
For My love won't be undone
Don't hide your face from Me
For My light has surely come

I carried that cross
And I felt your pain
I took up your crown
And I wore your shame
And death was a fire
And its teeth were grim
But I left it behind
Along with all your sin

Don't turn away from Me
For My love won't be undone
Don't hide your face from Me
For My light has surely come
Surely Come surely come

Lift up your eyes and see
Heaven is closer than you know
Lift up your voice and sing
Know that My love won't let you go
And I won't forsake you

And My light has surely come
Surely come surely come
And I'm closer than you know
And I'm closer than you know

Lord, I hear You I know You're there
Closer now than my skin and bones could dare
Breathing deep within me
You are always with me

I can see You where eyes can't stare
Brighter now than the sun could ever dare
Breathing all around me
God I know You're with me here

And my soul knows well
You are here

You are here
And my soul will praise You
And my soul will praise Your Name
Singing Holy is Your Name
Jesus

From One Woman to Another

Let’s be honest, Ladies…we can be brutal and awful to one another.  We can be judgmental, conniving, jealous, competitive, and threatened by one another.  For some reason (especially in NYC), we feel the need to do whatever it takes to climb to the top – even if it means that someone gets hurt along the way.

“It’s not personal, it’s just business.”

We sometimes assume the worst about another woman, especially if we feel threatened by their beauty. Am I the only one?

I think NOT.

I wonder… I wonder what life would be like if women uplifted one another instead of tearing each other down.  I wonder what insecurities would dissipate if we assumed the best about one another, EVEN if the other person’s motives aren’t good.

Now I know you’re probably thinking – “oh Nat, that’s cute. You want the world to be a better place. That’s so cute and naïve.”

Yeah, perhaps it is. But you see; I’ve actually seen what this looks like. I’ve seen it, and I’ve actually felt what this is like. It’s as real as the chair you are sitting on whilst reading this.

I’m a part of an amazing church that believes in women and the purpose they bring to this world. I actually know quite a few churches like this. Amazingly enough, the men in our church believe in us and support us as well. And even MORE, the women in our church lift each other up. We support one another…and we celebrate the beauty and successes in one another.  GASP. We SUPPORT THE SUCCESSES AND BEAUTY IN ONE ANOTHER?! YUP.

I don’t know about you, Ladies.  But I actually find this quality in other women  refreshing. It makes me want to be friends with women who carry this kind of grace-filled love for one another. And may I please add, that I actually (maybe I’m wrong) think that men find this attractive as well. I think Men might even respect a woman more when she exhibits this kind of humility towards other women.

What is more attractive than a woman who is confident enough to applaud and compliment another woman?

That doesn’t mean that we don’t deal with insecurity and feeling “ugly” or “fat” some days. It means that in SPITE of how we “feel,” we can still muster up enough love and confidence in who we are to reach out to another woman (even if we feel threatened by them in any way) to offer GENUINE kindness. Key word – GENUINE.

If I may… be so bold to say a few little “tid-bits.”

Please – for the love of the FATHER GOD in Heaven, Let’s STOP using the excuse that we are just hormonal. PLEASE.

I get it. Our hormones are a bit out of our control at times, and can be interesting to navigate for some women who do have an imbalance. For the rest of us, who actually have no excuse – let’s not use it anymore…ok? Ok.

So when we have moments where we are less than “pleasurable” to be around, how about we extend an extra bit of grace for one another. Recognize those moments of weakness, and go the extra mile.

Imagine if other women looked to YOU to be the “light” in their life. Imagine if instead of someone being turned off by your constant insecurity that outworks itself in rudeness or aloofness, that they are drawn to the fact that you INCLUDE others.  Gosh, I love when I meet other women that are inclusive! It makes me want to be a better person…and it challenges me to be more intentional about including others.

So how about it, Ladies? Let’s be more encouraging to one another.

Instead of getting upset with your friend who got the part you wanted in the show, or got the modeling job with the company that you wanted, that you celebrate with them instead.

Instead of allowing jealousy and hurt poison your heart because “everyone else is getting married and you aren’t”…that you celebrate.  TRUST ME; I know what this feels like. And I made a decision – a deliberate decision that I would celebrate with my friends, because I knew that my day would come. SO SUCK IT UP, and just be happy for each other! (Side note: my friends are AWESOME at this.)

I’ll leave you with this…

I think there is an incredible power in unity; especially when women come together to help one another. We can get a lot more accomplished this way.  Life is a LOT more enjoyable when we work together as well.

We don’t all have to be best friends, but we really should learn to work together better. It’s not impossible…but it may take a bit more humility on our part. Are you up for it?