Just a Simple 'YES' or 'NO'

"Test me, try me Lord.  Examine my heart and mind…"  (Psalm 26:2)

Wow.  What a bold prayer!  

One of the most "bittersweet" things I experience in life, is when the holy spirit begins to show me the very vulnerable areas of character of my life.  Some areas are are obvious signs that God grace has been so real in my life, while other areas of my life seem to beg for more grace to perfect. 

I'm so grateful that I am a continual "work-in progress"…and that God is so patient with me in the midst of my ever-dependent need for His forgiveness while I learn.

Recently, I have felt a nudge in my heart about a particular area of my life - and after awhile, it was difficult to NOT want to change.  

"Natalie - let your "Yes" mean yes, and let your "NO" mean no.  Your word to people must be trusted."

THAT is what I felt in my spirit when I was sitting by myself in my room.  I was actually praying about something completely different, when I heard the reminder very clearly.  I reached over to my nightstand table and grabbed my bible.  I opened it up to where I knew the scripture was… Matthew 5:37:

"All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one." (NIV)

You think that's good - check out how THE MESSAGE version writes it:

^33-37 “And don’t say anything you don’t mean. This counsel is embedded deep in our traditions. You only make things worse when you lay down a smoke screen of pious talk, saying, ‘I’ll pray for you,’ and never doing it, or saying, ‘God be with you,’ and not meaning it. You don’t make your words true by embellishing them with religious lace. In making your speech sound more religious, it becomes less true. Just say ‘yes’ and ‘no.’ When you manipulate words to get your own way, you go wrong."

I love the inspired words of God.  They never make me feel worthless, pitiful, or terrible… but in fact, they just make me want to change.  A LOT.  The words of God literally put a fire in my soul.  A fire that knocks me down with truth, and literally lifts me off my stupid "soapbox" of pride, and turn my eyes back on Him. 

Imagine if we were so intentional about the promises we made to others (not just those we love, or wanted to spend time with - but even strangers), that our words have actual "weight." What if our WORD actually meant something to the people in our lives?  I think we would be trusted more.  I am so challenged and completely wrecked by that thought.

The words of God are ALWAYS true - ALWAYS trusted.  He never lies, never makes empty promises, and when He says HE WILL - He does.   Because of that, we have full confidence in Him, don't we?!

I think we need to be better about being careful with our words - slow to make huge promises that we cannot fulfill, and quick to care for people by valuing their time, love, and even their hearts.  When we make empty promises that we maybe (intended) to do, but we physically cannot, we have lessened our credibility with that person.  NOT that people should become totally reliant on a person, but I think (as followers of Christ), we should be even more trusted to follow through.  

Let's be practical.  The simple fact that our schedule cannot accommodate every single party, get together, wedding, coffee-date, or phone call is completely understandable.  But before you commit, sit down and look at your calendar - make sure you can commit.  Telling someone that you "cannot meet with them until a later time" is not a bad thing. If that person is hurt by it, they will eventually get over it.  But at least we won't be making a commitment that we cannot actually commit to.  Your "no" is just as powerful as your "yes."

I have learned over and over and OVER again that I cannot be everywhere, all the time.  Sadly, I have tried to be.  Whilst I believe that God's grace can give us an ability to accomplish so much in a day, we are not superman or superwoman.  The people I trust most in my life are not the ones I get to spend the most time with, they are the ones whose word can be trusted because they are incredibly intentional.

So much of this can be translated into relationships too.  Ladies and Gentleman, if a girl or a guy continually allows their commitment to meet with you fall through, perhaps it's not the right time…or the RIGHT PERSON.  Trust me, if someone really wants to get to know you - they will MAKE It happen.  It's really that simple. :)

People deserve our trusted word - not just the words that sound nice in that moment. 

Without a doubt, I am completely aware that I need to be better at this.  In fact, I would say that this would be one of the weakest links in my life at the moment.  THANK GOD that He shows me how to depend on Him for grace in this area…it's impossible to stay the same.  

Thank you Jesus for speaking to me again…without you, I am nothing. 

Quit Wasting Your Thoughts!

For all the time I've spent worrying and doubting.

For all the time I've spent feeling worthless and without hope

For all the time I've lost wondering how my bills were going to be paid...

For all the wasted minutes I've spent wondering "where my husband was"...

For all the precious time that I have spent believing lie after lie about who I was/am…and who God is…I'm done.

I think the more I get to know Jesus through spending time with him in prayer and in His word, the more I realize my need for Him above anything else.

All of the time I spent on thoughts that were not His thoughts - I could have been accomplishing so much for His kingdom.  Of course all of these things matter to God - He created us!  

But I often wonder how much more I could accomplish in His name if I were to deliberately and intentionally direct my attention - my WHOLE attention to Jesus.  

I love Psalm 121… here's a great reminder when you start to feel overwhelmed by the things of life: 

(The Message (MSG)

121 ^1-2 I look up to the mountains;
    does my strength come from mountains?
No, my strength comes from God,
    who made heaven, and earth, and mountains.

^3-4 He won’t let you stumble,
    your Guardian God won’t fall asleep.
Not on your life! Israel’s
    Guardian will never doze or sleep.

^5-6 God’s your Guardian,
    right at your side to protect you—
Shielding you from sunstroke,
    sheltering you from moonstroke.

^7-8 God guards you from every evil,
    he guards your very life.
He guards you when you leave and when you return,
    he guards you now, he guards you always.

Not too long ago, I started to write something that I had been wanting to write for awhile - on the subject of relationships/dating.  But as soon as I sat down to write something...ANYTHING, the words never came.  I had all of this "experience" that I wanted to share to help people not make the same mistakes I made, etc…and not a single word would come out.  

It was at that point when I very clearly felt the holy spirit say, "Why don't you write about me?" 

He got my attention.  My heart sunk in that moment when I realized that I spent so much time on a subject that wasn't intended for this season in my life.  And immediately, my heart redirected back to Him.  It's not that the subject matter was wrong, or that it didn't matter to God (because He cares about healthy relationships!), but because my attention was not on Him.

No matter how beautiful or how difficult my life may seem at any moment, if my eyes are not fixed on the "author" of my life, then I will forget who He is - and in the end, forget about His goodness.

I am without a doubt - a hopeless romantic (deep down).  I think there are times when I pretend that i'm not, you know... I play it "cool."  I DO dream about the man of God that will hear from heaven and win my heart. But... that time is not now. 

For all of us singles - perhaps our time could be better spent on how we can be better followers of Christ? Or what if we placed more of our time into serving the people in our city?  What if we spent more time getting to know the words of God (by reading the bible), then we did on reading blogs about how to be a more "datable person?"  I know, that might have dug hard at someone - my aim is not to offend you. I guess, I'm realizing how time is so precious.  I actually think it's interesting - if we place more focus on knowing God, we will automatically be a better husband or wife one day. :) 

One of my favorite lines from a movie is from 'Hitch.' One of the main characters- Sara, says to her best friend who is struggling with the fact that she hasn't met the "right" man yet: "Casey, you're not sick. You're single. You just have to relax and enjoy the ride."  

Simple, yet profound.  Please remember this when you feel pressure to be in a relationship "because everyone else is…"  

I will still say the exact same things I'm saying now when I'm in a relationship - it's OK that you are single, people!

And I DO realize that there is a time and place for learning more on the subject of relationships and dating - if you feel that this is your time to learn more - then feel free to dismiss my opinion.  

I'll finish this very "touchy" subject with the message version of 1 Corinthians 7:17 - It has kept me from thinking silly thoughts more often then not:

1 Corinthians 7:17 (Msg)

^"17 And don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life. Don’t think I’m being harder on you than on the others. I give this same counsel in all the churches."

What about those "freak out" moments when we wonder how we are going to pay our bills? I have done this more than I would like to admit.  But what does worrying accomplish? Really…how does it actually move us forward?  

IT DOESN'T. You just end up with ulcers and physical ailments equivalent to that of an 80 year old.  NO THANK YOU.

So what if our response to those "freak out" moments was: "Lord, I thank you that YOU alone are my provider. Not my job, not my tax return, not my friends or my family…YOU.  So give me wisdom on how I can better spend and save my money so that I can serve your Kingdom with more purpose. Thank you for faithfully taking care of me every single day."

I don't know about you - but I am so challenged to let God have full reign over my time.  What takes most of our time? Shockingly enough - our thoughts do.

So if I spend most of my time thinking and evaluating situations before I make decisions - then I'd better learn to fill my spirit with thoughts from Heaven - not thoughts that my brain conjures up when I'm having a bad day! Good LORD, I can think up some pretty ridiculous thoughts on my own - forget the devil. Ha!

Philippians 4:8 (msg)

^"8-9 Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies."

How good is that last part?!  When we choose to mediate on thoughts that are spurred on by our Loving God, his word says: "Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies."

COME ON! That's a good promise!

I'm writing this on a day when I need this reminder for myself.  God is so incredibly gracious and faithful to remind me of these kinds of things BEFORE I need it, and WHEN I need it. 

I don't want to waste any more of my time on thoughts and ideas that are not for me to explore just yet - or ever.  I'll let God open those doors when they need to be opened.  Until then, I'm going to keep looking Heaven-ward for my perfectly ordered steps.  

Remain faithful where you are - you don't need to go somewhere else with anyone else because you aren't "seeing your promised promise."  If God spoke to you about something, trust that He will fulfill it in HIS timing.  Don't try to make it work in your own ability.

There is a peace in "waiting"…no need to worry, fret, doubt, or get weary.  He will be faithful to complete what He started.

Spend yourself and your time on things that are moving the kingdom of God forward - which will, in the end, move you forward into the PERFECT will of God for your life.

That's a very exciting thought! 

Let God help you remove the unnecessary thoughts, ideas, and habits from your mind - "declutter" your thought-life! Love that idea!

It's Spring cleaning time - EARLY!

I Met Someone

I met someone…someone that I never thought I would or could ever deserve. He has completely won my heart.  

He is kind, gentle, compassionate, full of mercy and grace, with a strength like no other.  When I wake up, he's the first person I need to talk to and the last one at the end of the day.  He never gets tired of me talking to him - or sharing my deepest fears, concerns, or even my complaints.  His patience for me is unlike any other. 

He is my BEST friend, and my closest confidant.  When I mess up, He's the first one to forgive me…even if I feel unforgivable.  When my heart is broken, He will fight for me in a way that can only be described as a fierce grace.  Then in the same moment, He will speak life over me...for as long as it takes...until my heart is mended.  

Even through all of the selfish decision making, and intentional betrayal,  He still forgives me…and welcomes me back with open arms.  He never reminds me of the things He's already forgiven me of,  but He believes i'm capable of not making the same mistakes again.  He believes in ME.  

He doesn't entertain fear, and He doesn't dread bad days.  He believes that challenges only make us stronger, and more reliant on the unfailing faithfulness of God.  In fact, in the most darkest of days, He was the only tender voice that could speak peace to the storm in my mind - always the great reminder of what God says and thinks about me. 

I have never known a greater servant of people, or a greater example of the heart of our creator God.  The crazy thing is that I should be serving Him…every single second.  If ANYONE has earned it, He has.  

Besides the love my parents showed me, He was the first example of an unconditional, unfailing, no strings-attached, greater-than-the-ocean kind of love.  A love so redeeming, that it was nearly impossible for me not to open my heart to Him.   There has never been a moment I didn't feel safe with Him, because He so wisely protects my heart.  I have only realized lately how It was only in the moments when I thought there was something better than Him, that my heart was broken and not cared for.  You see, He knows what is best for me.  He knows the perfect job, the perfect relationships, even the right place for me to call HOME.  He knows…and He gently leads me (never pushing me) towards them. 

He is "THE example of ALL examples" of the most incredible man to ever walk the planet.  He is perfect in every single sense of the word. - and He was the FIRST man to ever win my heart.  

I could honestly write Him a love letter every single day…simply because of who He is.    

In fact, at one point - He stood before all of my accusers on my behalf.  There was a sentence of death on my life, and He took my place.  He died for ME.  

He is not only the King of my heart…but He is King of ALL.  

I still can't comprehend how and why He loves me the way that He does…but it's true.

When I just THINK about His love for me, I can't stop smiling.  I'm sure the strangers I pass on the streets of NYC think I'm crazy...but I don't care. 

He has completely won my heart.  

He is PERFECT.  

And this love that He has for me…it's not JUST for me…it's for everyone.  It's for YOU.  

The man that I met years ago is JESUS.   He already knew me… but He was waiting so patiently for me to come and meet Him.  

I'm so glad I did.

He is my "forever" smile.

The Best Alarm to Ever Wake Me Up

"PREPARE."

That is the word I heard in my spirit when I woke up on Wednesday of last week.

Strangely enough, I'm convinced that was exactly what woke me up that morning.  

"Prepare? Prepare.  Yes, prepare…wait. What am I preparing for?" - I kept saying to myself.  Then my thoughts began to wander (although I'm sure they were led by the spirit of God) to all of the dreams God placed on my heart.  For years, I've been storing up dreams, ideas, desires, and experiences…for this time.  It was time to start preparing.

Ever since I heard that word, I have experienced more awakening in my heart than I could probably describe…but I will do my best.

I have been meditating on this idea of "being prepared."  What am I doing RIGHT now to prepare for the very things that I have asked God to answer for days, months, and even years?  What steps am I taking now?  Or am I just "waiting" for my prayer to be answered without taking responsibility for what change that answer will bring in my life?

In the book of John…in the fifth chapter, "Jesus encounters a man who has been paralyzed for 38 years.  When he approaches the man, he asks him a crazy question, "Do you want to get well?"

Now I'm going to be honest, for the longest time, I always wondered why Jesus asked this question.  Who wouldn't want to get better?!  Are you serious, Jesus?!  But of course, in my lack of understanding as to why Jesus says and does the things that he does (which is ONLY what His Father leads him to do), I stopped asking that question one day.

It was when I was in a place of deep despair and brokenness that the spirit of God asked me, "Do you want to be better?" I remember wondering why He asked me that.  

"Of course I do, Lord!  I've been asking you to help me for so long!"

But over the following days and weeks, He began to reveal a deeper truth to that question.  He doesn't ask if we want to be well because we love to be in pain.  He asks us if we want to be better, simply because the healing means that we now have a greater responsibility to walk in that healing. And even greater, we have a responsibility to share that with the people we come in contact with.

We are no longer the victim.  Heavy. 

So when God finally answers our prayer, what do we do now?  Are we ready for what lies ahead?

If you are believing God for healing in your body…keep praying and believing and thanking Him for you healing.  He is faithful to His word.  But get ready for what lies ahead when you receive that healing.  Prepare now.  Prepare in your speech about who God is to those who don't know Him.  Prepare in your heart.  Speak life, always.  

I think sometimes we think our perspective is going to change ONCE we receive the answer to our prayer.  In some ways, this is true.  But for the most part, our habits and beliefs stay the same.  

If you are asking (begging) God for a spouse to come into your life, start preparing now.  You aren't perfect, so don't expect perfection in the one you are "waiting" for.  Search after, and get to know the heart of Jesus…and you'll automatically be a better man or woman for someone else.  Stop asking for it, and thank God for it…and keep preparing.  Take a look at how you live your life now.  If you have unhealthy habits in relationships now, that won't change later when you find the man or woman of your dreams.  Start being an amazing spouse now.  Ask yourself the hard questions about the areas in your life that you can begin to adjust.  But always remember to be patient with yourself in the process…just like we should be with others. If God is patient with us, why shouldn't we be patient with ourselves?  

If you are asking God to open doors of opportunity in your career or in your finances, start preparing now.  Ask God to give you wisdom in the big and small things; with large and small amounts of money.  Remember, if we are faithful with the little…He can entrust much to us, because He knows we can take care of it.  

Someone once said to me, "The harvest is more work than the preparation."

The more I think about that, the more I realize how true that is!  Take a farmer for example.  Now, I know NOTHING about being a farmer, but I do know that they have to know how to handle a large harvest of crops.  They sow the seeds and wait - that's actually the easy part.  Then as soon as they start to see the first part of their fruit begin to bud, they have to protect it against critters and other animals.  They also learn to protect it against the conditions of the unpredictable weather.  Then once the harvest has completely come to fruition, a farmer has to know how much to store, invest, sell, and even how to keep that product healthy for consumption.  The work is in the harvest.  It is a joyous time, but it is a season of exponential growth.  If the farmer doesn't follow through with all of the steps to prepare for the harvest, He won't be ready for it.  Once he receives the harvest, he won't know how to take care of it, and most likely it will wither and die. 

I am happy to wait longer for the answer to my dreams/prayer to come, because I know that each day (If I allow God to move in my heart), I am being made more like Christ in that area of my life.  I am preparing to be the best that I can be.  The reality is, we may be asking God for something that we have not ever experienced before…which is highly likely.  But that doesn't  mean that God can't give us wisdom and understanding about that very thing long before we ever receive it.

The bible actually says to ask for wisdom, and we will receive it.  So, that's what I'm doing…in every area of my life.   I'm asking God for wisdom in my finances because I believe He can entrust much into my life for His kingdom, if I do so.  I'm asking God to lead me in my relationships, lead me to godly examples of wife and a mother so that I can learn the "unforced rhythms" of the day-to-day-mundaine tasks…so I never despise the days ahead that may seem dormant.  

Preparation isn't attractive to most people.  It means that you make decisions to not do certain things that you've always done, because you need to spend your time wisely in preparation.  Preparation will probably come with criticism and cynicism from all sides.  Don't let up - keep going!  

Prepare. Prepare. Prepare….and then watch God open the most insane doors of opportunity for you!  

Watch Him trust you with more…now, THAT is humbling.  

"PREPARE." - That was the word that woke me up last week...and started the greatest chain reaction of new revelation and understanding.  

Best alarm that has ever woken me up.

Expect More Surprises!!

I absolutely love surprises...surprise gifts, surprise birthday parties, surprise engagements...surprise friendships...and even surprise opportunities. 

I have a friend who cannot stand surprises. She has to know everything before it happens...or at least a clue. It's kind of endearing.  But I don't understand that.. I love the thought that someone went through the effort to surprise me. It means that they spent time, effort, love, and energy on making sure that I don't find out. 

Plus-it's exciting...and thrilling to wait for the surprise! 

Can you tell I love surprises??!!

I remember a few years ago, a friend of mine said to me, "Nat, I believe this year God wants to surprise you with gifts. Not the kind of gifts you would expect. But he knows you love to be surprised, so expect it!" 

Months passed by before I remembered that sweet reminder of God's goodness in my life. Later that year, I was asked to go with a team that was traveling to Indonesia to sing, and minister. An actual dream come true... Only I couldn't have dreamt that one up.  In fact, I wasn't the first choice of who they would choose for the trip. But, I was God's first choice.  It was favor that I did not expect... And certainly didn't earn. In the same moment that I was asked, I was also told that I needed to come up with the money for the trip within a few days.  I remember thinking, "ok God, if this is you.. And I believe it is... Then I trust that you will work the finance out." 

And within 30 minutes, someone gave me the initial money I needed to book the   trip. 

The crazy thing is, I shouldn't have been that surprised that God would make something like this happen. He's such an amazing dream giver, and dream maker. He can make it happen in a matter of seconds. But sometimes He intentionally takes years to make it happen. 

This next year, dare to dream big... REALLY BIG. Think of the most incredible dream you can imagine... God can do bigger! 

Expect the unexpected surprises. Expect that you'll be surprised with incredible friendships, relationships, restored relationships, better jobs, mind-blowing opportunities, and even better days than you've ever had! If this year was difficult, expect that God wants to redeem it with surprises beyond your wildest imagination! 

Why shouldn't we expect the BEST?! I don't know about you, but I feel like I've accepted the "less than" and "this is good enough" for so long. There is nothing wrong with being grateful for what we have right now, in fact, we always should be grateful! But why not trust God for more?!

Why not expect that you'll have the most incredible year?! 

No matter what obstacles and opportunities come your way this year, they do not have the last word.  God always has the last word, and He wants you to have the most adventurous, exciting, blessed, and strengthened life possible.  BELIEVE THAT.

And if you don't yet believe that, well, I hope you're ready to be surprised by the unfailing, unconditional, and (sometimes) unbelievable love of God!! 

Start thanking Him for what you've been praying for years about... Just assume it's already yours! (Ephesians 3:20... That's for everyone!) 

Even if you think you don't deserve a good life.. Well none of us do. :) So... Get over that thought and look heavenward (dig into the Bible) and find out what God says about you, and what He wants for you! (Jeremiah 29:11 is a good place to start!) 

Honestly, I don't care at all about what HAS happened. It's the past...and if God forgives us of our past (and chooses to forget it) when we ask him, why should we dwell there?! HELLO.

Moving on folks...

Get excited about what's ahead, and get ready to be surprised by the goodness of  God! 

Give more freely this year... Love more extravagantly, and open your heart more wisely. 

In the words of my Pastor, Brian Houston: "THE BEST IS YET TO COME!" 

"Low Point!"...thoughts from "The Holiday"

One of my favorite "holiday" movies...(or possibly, one of my favorite movies in general) is "The Holiday."   I love how redemptive this story is.  The story begins with four (well, Five if you count the cute older man) completely broken people. In a twist of perfect fate, they all somehow connect with one another and find peace through their own pain.  In the end, Love is redeemed...and none are left alone.  My favorite part of this movie is how each one of them begin to find someone to reach out to.  In their sadness, they decide to include someone (who could be alone) in their holiday.  So instead of wallowing in self pity for weeks, each one of them makes a purposeful decision to seize the moment.

 I don't know what it is about the holidays...but they are bittersweet for me.  Perhaps it's because I wish that my life looked differently every year at Christmas.  Or maybe it's because I'm away from family, and can't get off of work long enough to visit them.  Either way, my expectations are unrealistic, and quite selfish - If I were to be honest.

Sure, I love the "look" and "feel" of the holidays...especially in NYC.  I'm a huge fan of the massive Christmas Trees and sweet sounding carolers, the decor, and the Christmas Carols, and even the cheesy Holiday cards that I get from friends/family near and far.  But even as I walk down the streets of NYC, late  at night (most nights), after spending time with people...I can still feel "alone."

And I often ask myself the question, "Why does this bother me so much?"

I then wallow in self-pity for the next ten minutes, thinking about what I don't have...and who I don't have...it ends up being the biggest waste of ten minutes.  I'll never get those ten minutes back, ever.  I spent ten minutes thinking about how my life isn't good enough...and it's in that moment of BRASH realization that I shake my head at myself.

"Nat, why are you so selfish sometimes?!  As if there aren't bigger things in this world to spend your time on.."

I have to chuckle at these silly moments because I just think of that scene in the movie "The Holiday" where Kate Winslet is nursing her wounded heart by turning up the gas on her stove with the windows closed.  When she realizes how crazy that decision was after about 15 seconds, she quickly turns the stove off, opens the window, and slaps herself in the face saying..."Low point! Low point...!"

Hahaha!

I love her for that!  Not because I would have done something like that, but because I too have those moments where all of the sudden my thoughts go from "feeling alone" to "no one wants me in this WHOLE WIDE WORLD!"...

SERIOUSLY?!  LOW POINT.  Haha!

Now, here's the REALITY of my life.

There was a Savior who came from Heaven to Earth...He became a man...went through the same struggles I have...and died for me...he died for all of us.  Then, as if he wasn't already the most incredible man who will ever walk the planet...He rose from the dead (conquering death for then, now, and forevermore!) and is now seated in Heaven.  He left his spirit (the holy spirit) so that we would always know that he is with us!

I don't know about you, but when I think about that for even a few moments, My heart feels like it's going to BURST.  The God of the universe LOVED us SO much, that He created this magnificent display of His love for us - SO that (if we decide to) we could be with Him, one day!

You know what?  I may not have everything I want...or think that I need.  But I have MORE than enough.  I have a job, a family that loves me, friends that I couldn't thank God enough for, an incredible Church I call "home," a Home for myself (and those who may need a place to stay every once in a while, and a life that is FULL of adventure.

I actually feel pretty rich right now.  And it has nothing to do with the amount of possessions that I own.  In fact, I probably own the least amount of things that I have ever owned living here in NYC, but it's my heart that is rich and full.  I'm learning more and more how to be grateful for what I have...the people I am in relationship with, and the places I find myself every single day.

These things aren't accidents...they are purposed by God for my life.  I don't want to take that for granted.

I'll take what I have and make it large, beautiful, extravagant, plenty, enough, worthy, and worth it!

So, here's what I would say to you...if you are having a "LOW POINT"...take a moment and let joy fill your heart.  Laugh a little...seek something out that makes you laugh so hard that your stomach hurts.  This maybe the most difficult time of year for you, but let Jesus come into your heart and fill it with Joy and Peace.

Let Him redeem this Holiday for you.  He ABSOLUTELY CAN.

My only advise, take the hand of someone less fortunate than you (in some way), and lift their eyes to see Jesus through you.  Just because you are broken, doesn't mean you don't have anything to give.  You probably have more than you thought possible.  After all, you are attached to the ultimate Heart-mender...JESUS.

Fill your time with lending a hand...delivering gifts...scooping out portions of food for those who barely get one meal a day.  If you fill your time helping others (obviously in a healthy moderation...that's another blog for another time), you'll find your heart full of JOY.

This will be the most wonderful Christmas you have EVER had...I believe that.

Look up, look heavenward, and reach out.

Merry Christmas... (soon)

x

By the Grace of God

 A few months ago...I came across a song by Katy Perry. It was a song I NEEDED to hear.  And before you think or say anything judgmental towards me, please understand that God is so gracious. He's so gracious and sovereign that He will use anything to reach out to us in a way that we need.

(Moving on...)

So there I was, sitting at my desk at work.  When all of the sudden, this song came on. My friend had warned me about this song. She said, "You NEED to listen to this..."  I'm usually skeptical when people message me stuff like that. Not because I don't like to be teachable, but because I don't always feel like you (people) know what I'm going through...enough to tell me what song is good for me to hear. But...she was right. And I was humbled....again.

These are the words I heard.... (Katy Perry's - "By the Grace of God")

Was 27 surviving my return of Saturn

A long vacation didn’t sound so bad

Was full of secrets locked up tight like iron mountain

Running on empty so out of gas

Thought I wasn’t enough

Found I wasn’t so tough

Layin’ on the bathroom floor

We were living on a fault line

And I felt the fault was all mine

Couldn’t take it anymore

By the grace of God (there was no other way)

I picked myself back up (I knew I had to stay)

I put one foot in front of the other

And I looked in the mirror and decided to stay

Wasn’t gonna let love take me out that way

I thank my sister for keeping my head above the water

When the truth was like swallowing sand

Now every morning, there is no more mourning

Oh, I can finally see myself again

I know I am enough

Possible to be loved

It was not about me

Now I have to rise above

Let the universe call the bluff

Yeah, the truth’ll set you free

Within a matter of 30 seconds, I was a mess.  Sitting there in my uncomfortable desk chair...staring off into oblivion at the two computer screens in front of me.  I remember thinking, "She wrote my song."  

Now, my life has not been horrible, or tragic when compared to many others' situations...but I will say this: I have walked through some dark days.  And I do not apologize for saying that. But I will gladly share my journey with you because I think someone will always need to hear it. (side note: be very careful with who you share your struggles with while walking through them...always use wisdom and caution because NOT everyone should, and can handle your business).

I'm not sharing this because I feel like my life is exactly what I want it to be right now. I'm sharing this with you because I needed to hear the message in this song...

By the Grace of God (there was no other way)
I picked myself back up (I knew I had to stay)
I put one foot in front of the other
And I looked in the mirror, and decided to stay...

There were so many times when I wanted to run away...leave...quit..and never look back.  I believe, that although God is loving, and kind in his approach to our inability to trust Him, I don't think that "quitting" is a part of his plan...ever.  

I think the best thing we can tell ourselves is to STAY.  Some days, you've literally got to look in the mirror and tell yourself to STAY.

Speak to your spirit/heart, and tell it what/how to react! Get agressive...and fight for your life! 

"The LORD is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him." Psalm 28:7

I will say this more often than not...the word of God is so powerful.  Use it...as much as possible. Maybe the answers to your questions never come, but that doesn't negate the goodness of our God.  And it definitely doesn't negate His promises over your life.  

So your life is a mess right now?  I know you feel like you're alone, but you aren't.  The feeling of loneliness, fear, doubt in what you once thought God spoke to you, broken heart, depression... I've been there.  

It's exhausting...carrying on.  It's also humiliating, thinking that you should be in a "better place." That's reality. So what can we do about it?

When you are faced with the very thing that breaks your heart...several times in a day/week...keep pushing on.  When you're not sure if you'll ever be "ok"...Keep moving.  Keep looking heavenward. 

There were days when I couldn't listen to even my best friends...because even their advise (although..it was biblical, wise advise) wasn't good enough. I had to stick my face in the bible and read.  I had to read the same "faith" confession verse..over and over. I read it until I actually started to believe it.  Did it take time? Absolutely. Did I have to remind myself everyday of that verse? Absolutely.

Do yourself a favor.  Don't assume silly things like "no one understands me..." But instead, assume that your situation is something that many have walked through - because that is probably true.  Even more than all of that - GOD WILL NEVER LEAVE US.  His word reminds us of that:

"Never will I leave you...Never will I forsake you."  Deuteronomy 31:6

In those moments when you feel like you're not getting any better... I challenge you to declare these words over  your life:

"I will live and not die. I will Proclaim what the Lord has done!"  Psalm 118:17 

Choose to thank the Lord for what you are trusting Him for...BEFORE you see it happen.  Thankfulness breeds incredible things right before your eyes.  It's not magic...it's the Kingdom of heaven at work in your life.  So whether or not you see it, God is at work...and He is moving around the pieces of your life in such a way that none of us could possibly understand. That's what makes Him, God. 

By the grace of God, you WILL carry on.  By the grace of God, you WILL be whole again. He WILL heal your heart.  He WILL restore your family.  And He WILL be your closest friend..and dearest companion along the way.  

I think it's time for us to stop complaining about where we are at, get up - and start to speak "life" over our situation.  Declare the goodness of the Lord!  Take it ONE step at a time. 

By the grace of GOD...you will be alright.  Keep your head up...there is so much hope in knowing that God has got YOU...and He's not letting go.  

HE is all you need.