I Surrender

My friend Lauren and I have this on-going joke every time we travel anywhere together on the train.  For a while, every time we would get on the train to go somewhere, we would argue (disagree) about which end of the train was the right end to get onto.  Of course, I thought I was right...and so did she.

Well...the thing is...I was wrong almost every time.  The truth is, I can figure out where I'm going, if you give me a map. But, I am actually what they call "directionally challenged..." I mean, I can't be good at EVERYTHING. :)

Lauren and I would laugh about it afterwards - about how "sure" I was about where we were going, and how I was actually wrong.  I'm so glad I have no problem apologizing and admitting that i'm wrong. Otherwise, I would have some serious self esteem issues!

I was thinking about these moments this morning...thinking about how ridiculous it is when we THINK we know the right direction.  We are right..darn it!

"I KNOW this is right! I've done this so many times...and I KNOW that this will take us in the direction we need to go!"

The last time I rode the train with my friend Lauren, we both asked the question, "Which way do we go?"  My VERY quick response to this question as I threw my  hands up in a "surrender" like motion, "I have NO idea...I'm done thinking I know the right way! You probably know more than I do!"

I finally got to a point where I realized that she knew more than I did.  And it's not about her always being right, and me being wrong, it's about the fact that in this particular area, she had the knowledge that I didn't.

How close is this to our relationship with God?

I believe that God is so faithful to reveal bits and pieces of the "purpose" He has for us...but He doesn't reveal the whole picture.  How could He?  Not only could we not handle the magnitude of what He has planned for us, but we would probably try to alter the outcome in some way.

So, in the journey of following God, we get little glimpses of our purpose.  Our first step is to follow that prompting and guidance...because we want the perfect will of God, right? Yet, somehow in that process, we cling so tightly to that one small puzzle piece of an idea of what God has for us.  We cling so tightly, that we actually create a BOX that "tailor fits" that dream or purpose.

But...the problem lies in the fact that God doesn't fit in boxes.  He is too magnificent, too great, incredibly sovereign, too grand, and too good to fit in a man-made box.

Isaiah 40:12 (NIV) 

"Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand, or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens?  Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket, or weighed the mountains on the scales and the hills in a balance?"

Oh, how I love Isaiah...so full of descriptions of our magnificent God!  

God is TOO BIG to fit into our "idea" of how we think our life should look!  He is in our dreams, and in our desires because He is the one who placed them in our hearts.  But, there is so much more where that came from...so much.

The older I get, the more I find myself in a posture of hands raised in surrender.  Every other day, I'm saying, "God, I'm done.  I'm done trying to be the captain of my own life...I actually don't know what I'm doing without you.  You always know what's best for me!"

By the way, admitting that you don't know what's best for your life and God does...is NOT a sign of weakness.  Maybe some of you need proof of this... 

When I first moved to Sydney, Australia to pursue bible college at Hillsong Church, I was sure I felt the spirit of God show me that was my HOME.  I felt that "word" so strong that nothing could shake what I believed in my heart to be true for my life.  It wasn't until my visa was a month away from expiring, that I started to question God.  

"But, you told me this was my HOME."

At that very time, Hillsong NYC was announced in church...and I couldn't even count how many people were telling me, "Nat, have you thought about NYC?"

"NO, I haven't thought about NYC because this is my home! This is my home..here because that's what I feel God put in my heart."  I was wrong.  You see, in the end...I felt the holy spirit lead me back home to the U.S..and on to NYC.  Five years later,  it's very clear to me why I didn't stay in Sydney.  I have been "stretched"far beyond what I ever thought I was capable of! 

I used to only think I was good at singing. My greatest passion was leading worship in church...so that's all I imagined for my life.  My vision was so narrow.  The longer I walk with Jesus, and learn to "surrender" my desires and dreams into His hands, the more I see GREATER opportunity arise in my life.  In the last 7 years, I have seen my capacity grow into so many different strengths.  Sure, I still love singing, and I believe that is still a part of God's purpose for my life. But it's just that...a PART of His plan.

Isn't it outrageous that we serve a God that requires surrender, and yet, what get in return from Him is FAR GREATER than what we laid down? I have had many moments where I have reluctantly laid down my desires to pick up God's for my life, for that time.  It always felt like I was losing something so dear to me...like someone ripped my heart from my chest. 

BUT GOD KNEW there was better for my life.  

Surrender is one of the most beautiful ways to worship God.  It is an incredible mix of faith, brokenness, and peace all working together.  The end result...a life we never imagined..even in our most elaborate dreams!

For the days I find this kind of surrender difficult I am reminded of Galatians 6:9:

"Let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up!"  

KEY WORDS..."if we do not give up!"  It's pretty simple really - we can't receive the prize if we quit in the middle of the race. 

Why is it that even when God proves to us over and over, that His ways are truly better than ours, that we still need proof that He will be faithful to return to us what He asks us to surrender?  

"Trust in the Lord with ALL of your heart...and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

"Take delight in the Lord, and He WILL give you the desires of your heart."  Psalm 37:4

Those two verses are not only reminders..but PROOF that He will be faithful when we surrender and trust in Him.

Another incredible thing that happens when we surrender, is that we create more room for God to actually do something massive in our lives!  We declutter our heart-space from what 'WE WANT" and what "WE FEEL is right," and make room for the extraordinary life that God always purposed us to have! It's such a bittersweet feeling when we end up with a clean slate again.  Our first reaction is to fill it with something...anything that makes sense!

But I believe, the moment we have the space for God to move in a outwork His wondrous plan for our lives, is the moment that we get to have a front row seat to the best show on the planet.  It's so much better than the "perfect" life..it's the BEST life!

Think about it. If we can make everything happen by our own efforts and works, then how good can our life actually be?  NOT that good.

I'd much rather have the CREATOR of all creators...the AUTHOR of all authors...the DREAM-GIVER for all dreamers...I'd rather have God write my story. I'd rather surrender my minuscule idea for my life, for a much more exciting one!

So perhaps, we don't know what is best for our lives...and maybe, just maybe...God does.  Maybe the direction that we've gone for the past how ever many years, isn't the direction that we need to go now.  Maybe, just maybe, God knows the right direction for us. What if we stopped; just long enough, to listen to where He was leading us?  What if we actually waited long enough for God to fulfill what He promised to us, before we gave up to easily?

God has the BEST life for us..just waiting for us to be obedient, attentive to His leading, and willing to surrender.

Give Him a chance to show you...He can be trusted.

The Most Beautiful Adventure

If there is ONE regret that I still think about, it would be that I wish I would have stayed in piano lessons.  I think about this…PROBABLY once or twice a month, especially when I want to sit down and write a song.  I used to search for songs that had only the most simple chord progressions - because that's all I knew how to play.

One of the few songs I could play on the piano was an an old worship song that I used to sing when I was in middle school, written by Graham Kendrick.  

All I once held dear, built my life upon

All this world reveres, and wars to own

All I once thought gain I have counted loss

Spent and worthless now, compared to this

Knowing you, Jesus

Knowing you, there is no greater thing

You're my all, you're the best

You're my joy, my righteousness

And I love you, Lord

Now my heart's desire is to know you more

To be found in you and known as yours

To possess by faith what I could not earn

All-surpassing gift of righteousness

Oh, to know the power of your risen life

And to know You in Your sufferings

To become like you in your death, my Lord

So with you to live and never die

I woke up this morning with this song in my head.  

"Knowing you, Jesus…Knowing you.  There is no greater thing.."

What a powerful statement to make - and OH so true!  I haven't lived for that long, but I have lived long enough to know life without Christ - even if I was still attending and serving in church.  There were so many years that I spent NOT really knowing Him.  

In not knowing Him, I wasn't aware of His goodness.  I had no idea about his grace and His mercy towards me.  How could I?  I had a bible - which are God's VERY words…but I barely cracked it open to read on a Sunday. Even more heartbreaking, was the fact that I had NO idea how much He loved me.  I had no idea that His love for me was greater than my sin…greater than my inability to understand Him.  I had no idea that He was bigger than the problems I was facing at school, in my family, and in my heart.  I had no idea, because I didn't know Him.

When I first moved to Sydney, Australia in 2006, I was like a rag doll that had been through the washer and dryer one too many times.  I was worn, and broken, and torn, and faded.  

"There is no way that God can use a wreck like me…" I would often say to myself. 

In time, I began to start talking to God.  Just talking. Nothing fancy, or well thought out, or profound - just my broken heart exposed for MY God.  That is all He wants.  Just my heart.

Through the years, I have learned that a relationship with Jesus really is the most exciting, the most challenging, the most freeing, and the most safe place to be.  He is everything that I need - forever.  Yet, He knows me well…even more than I know me.  He knows that one day I will need another person to share life with.  He knows that my friendships are important for my "every day."

Jesus is enough.  He's enough for me…all the time.  He's enough - even when I think He's not.  When I think that earning more money at my job would be better.   In my most vulnerable and unguarded moments, when I would replace my relationship with Jesus with anything BUT Him…  He is still more than enough.  He is still good.  He is still GOD. 

I love Philipians 3:8:

^"What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ."

WOW.  "I consider everything a LOSS when compared to knowing Christ Jesus, MY Lord…"  There really is nothing better.  

There comes a point in a relationship when you don't have to defend why you love that person, and why they are the greatest person that you've ever known.  You just know it.  The conviction of your belief in that person is so deep, and so strong, that no one and no thing can take that away.  That is how I feel about Jesus.  It isn't just one moment that has led me to this point.  It is every, single, day, since I made the decision to make Him MY Lord and Savior. 

Perhaps, if I told you that He has been with me through seasons of success and joy.  Or that He has remained faithful even through the nights that seemed darkest - when my sadness was so real, I felt like I couldn't breathe.  His words were my very lifeline.  Maybe that would be enough of an explanation.  

He is just as real in my victories as He is in my failures.  He hasn't abandoned me, or turned away from me, nor has his love for me lessened because of my mistakes.  He has remained GOOD through it all.  

I am forever grateful for the blessings that God has literally poured out in my life, but even still, they aren't nearly as satisfying as knowing Him.  My friendships, my family, my job, the desires of my heart fulfilled… all of these things are absolutely necessary for our lives here on Earth.  But they still aren't as rewarding as knowing Jesus.  

If we could build our lives upon KNOWING Jesus, wouldn't it be easier to deal with the loneliness, or the relationship deficiencies we go through on a daily basis? Wouldn't it make it easier to deal with what feels like a "closed door" or a "failure?"  I think our immediate response would still be that the BEST is still to come.  That would be our response because we seek to know Jesus…and in seeking to KNOW Him, we find out that He only wants the absolute best for us. 

In seeking to KNOW Jesus, our dependence on one person to satisfy every single need that we may ever have would be redirected to the only one who can truly satisfy our every need.  It just makes more sense.  

When we live like this, we live COMPLETE.  We live whole.  When we live whole, we have a greater capacity to love others.  Basically, we always win.  

Jesus is the completion of everything He has started.  He is not only the author, but the finisher of our faith (Hebrews 12:2).  

He is IT…He is ALL.  

I'll finish with this quote from my daily devotional from A.W. Tozer:

"Martin Luther, the great Theologian, said that wholehearted religion lies in its personal pronoun.  When the human heart cries with the psalmist, a prophet, an apostle or mystic, it cries out "God is mine." And when the human heart worships God and says "mine," God responds by saying, "Yes, I am. I am yours."

Knowing HIM is the most beautiful adventure we will ever know.

She is Confident

At five years old, I was unstoppable.  I wrote songs and choreographed dance routines all the time...and they were...definitely UNFORGETTABLE.  With the biggest smiles on their faces, my mom and dad would patiently listen to my terribly written songs...which-i'm sure made NO sense at all!

I remember playing outside with my older brother all of the time.  I remember my dog, Zeak...who eventually ran away.  I vividly remember the day that I fell into the thorn bushes outside the front of my house whilst wearing only my bathing suit.  I remember playing Frisbee with my dad, and being carefree.  I remember so many good things about that part of my life.  I remember being full of smiles...and joy...and laughter.  I don't; however, remember ever lacking confidence.  It wasn't even a question of whether or not I could or couldn't sing a song...or whether I was good enough.  I just was.

It wasn't until I was around 10 or 11 years old that I became AWARE of my ability to fail.  It seemed like 'all of the sudden' I wasn't good enough, talented enough, brave enough, pretty enough...but who told me that?!

It certainly wasn't my beautiful mom, who never ceased to tell me how beautiful I was.  It definitely wasn't my dad or my friends, or my teachers.  Other than the usual 'kids being kids' ridicule in school, nothing was terrible enough to have changed my view on myself that drastically.

For at least 3 or 4 years, I was terrified to sing in church.  I couldn't even imagine performing for anyone.  I was silenced...and I wasn't even sure when or how I was silenced.

Finally - years later, I was singing again in church.  I was around 14 years old when I led my first song during the 'praise and worship' portion  of the service in my youth group.  That was the night I realized I wanted to do that forever.  (My dreams were clearly not big enough at that time!).  Even to this day, I still count it an honor and an unbelievable privilege (one I have not or will ever have earned) to lead people into the worship of our Savior.  I also believe with all of my heart that God has placed that desire on the inside of me because He has called me to lead in this area...for this time. I can't speak for the future, but I can speak for the now.  So, as long as I have the trust and the opportunity to lead people into His presence, I will do it with confidence - knowing He is with me.

Let's fast forward to now.  I am not an expert on "being confident".  I am however, aware of the moments in my life where I believe the devil (in his idiotic way) attempted to steal away the confidence I had in Jesus.  Just like the Lord has a plan for my life... so does the enemy.  His only (foolish) plan is to destroy my life...and keep me from remembering God's wondrous plans for my life. 

I truly believe that God doesn't want me to lack (for any amount of time) confidence - for any reason. He calls me (US) to be confident in HIM. 

Philippians 4:13: "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me."

Joshua 1:9: "Be strong and Courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

Why is it that I doubt who God has called me to be?  Why do I question my ability to reach out to another person and offer them hope in Christ?  Why do I lack confidence when I'm in a situation that is "out of my depth," when God promises to be WITH me always?  The answer is simple…I lack confidence when I take my eyes of Jesus.  I lack confidence when I rely on my own strength.

I've been pondering the idea of what "a confident woman" looks like.  Not just a confident woman, but a godly confident woman.  What does SHE look like?

I can trace back to each season in my life when God, so graciously placed and positioned incredibly mighty women in my life to lead and mentor me.  In every season, I was blessed by at least one woman who walked in a beautiful confidence in Christ.

The common factor I found in each one of them was not their ability to avoid insecurities, but rather their total dependence on God - and THAT brought them confidence as they walked through the things in their life that brought out insecurities.  I watched these women navigate seasons where they were COMPLETELY out of their depth, but yet they knew they were CALLED BY GOD.  That is all they needed to know.  They weren't concerned by the opinions of every other women around them, because they knew the voice of the holy spirit - and trusted that more.  Did they make mistakes along the way? Absolutely.  But their mistakes didn't dictate which way their confidence in God would go.

These confident women were beautiful - in every way.  They laughed...a lot...even in the worst of times.  They loved abundantly, even when they had nothing left to give after spending hours of their day with screaming children.  It's so much more than the way they were so elegantly dressed all the time.  Their confidence wasn't even found in their ability to prepare food in a way that made me long to do the same. It was the outpouring of love that poured out of every single thing that I saw them do.  They were not perfect...just confident in Jesus.

After thanking God (once again) for allowing me to walk through life along side amazing women like the ones I just described, I began to 'jot' down some thoughts and lessons I've learned from them.  Most of these ideas have come out of the hard lessons I've learned about living in insecurity, and how damaging it is.

Ladies- when we are confident in Jesus, we aren't afraid of stepping out of our "comfortable group of friends" to meet the new, shy, and  completely awkward woman who is sitting by herself in the back at church. We are comfortable even in the uncomfortable situations, because we know that the holy spirit is WITH us.  I pray that I always notice people...even when I am "busy" or "distracted"...that my capacity, by the grace of God, would be large enough to notice someone in their time of need.  I think when we are confident, we aren't worried about things like having enough money to help someone else, because it's so much more than that.  We know that we have so much more to give than just finance.

Why is it that females are so intimidated by one another!? I think it's utterly ridiculous - anyone else? Ha!  How about this one:  We are not afraid to talk to the girl who likes the same guy you like (and is 'prettier than you') because we are worried she might get him! (Hello! That's real.) Seriously, can we stop assuming the worst about one another!? #ForTheLoveOfGod.  One thing I love about the women in my church is that we are so quick to encourage one another. We almost thrive off of "compliment wars" about each others' beauty and friendship.  The moment a thought of inferiority, insecurity, or comparison enters our mind, we should quickly replace it with what God says about us. There is no time for any of that!

When we are confident in Jesus, we are quick to celebrate one another's victories and triumphant stories - not because it's easy...but because jealousy doesn't just "creep" in...it INVADES our spirit...and it's ugly. We choose to rejoice, instead of allowing jealousy into our lives:

"For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder..." James 3:16

A confident woman avoids comparison!  She doesn't even waste time comparing her body image or her talents/abilities with another woman.  I think we've all done this!  Instead she focuses on who God made her to be..and being the best at that.  She focuses on how to be the healthiest version of HER that she can be.  I LOVE meeting a woman that loves the way she was created! It's so refreshing!
I think we can all agree that It's exhausting being around a bunch of women who sit around and talk about the flaws on their bodies! TRUST ME, I've been that woman! What a sad conversation topic... and absolutely boring!

A confident woman isn't afraid to have the "hard talks."  She doesn't avoid confrontation because that is a sure sign of immaturity.  She is intentional about speaking up when it is necessary, and very slow to focus on the things that don't matter.  A confident woman of God knows how to say, "I'm sorry, and I was wrong."  She's not afraid to be humbled because it's ONLY Christ who gives her confidence.

A confident woman of God is dependent on the holy spirit for her guidance, wisdom, and ability to discern right from wrong...even for her ability to love people the way Christ does.

She doesn't know how to settle for 'second best' in anything because she is so closely clinging to Jesus.  She will never take a 'second best' job, or a 'second best' relationship, or a 'second best' opportunity...because she TRUSTS that God has His best coming her way!

I was talking with a friend of mine who was telling me about a guy she was getting to know. They have been getting to know each other as friends for awhile now, and she has become very interested in him.  (Side note: this guy is an incredible man of God who has honored and respected her since day one.)  She said the most "freeing" thing to me the other day.  She said this, "Nat, I've realized something.  Even if nothing ever happens with this guy, I'm ok. I'm ok, because I KNOW God has his best for me. I won't even skip a beat."

And I knew she meant it.

What if that was our response to everything?

I KNOW God has His best for me. 

I don't want to be known for whether or not I have a lot of friends, or whether I take good photos or not.  I don't want to be known for my ability to sing well or not sing well.  I really don't want to care if another person gives me a compliment about my beauty.  I want to be a woman SO confident in who I am IN CHRIST, that these things seem insignificant when compared to knowing Him.

To KNOW Jesus is all the confidence I will ever need...for now...and forevermore.

He can be trusted. 

Just a Simple 'YES' or 'NO'

"Test me, try me Lord.  Examine my heart and mind…"  (Psalm 26:2)

Wow.  What a bold prayer!  

One of the most "bittersweet" things I experience in life, is when the holy spirit begins to show me the very vulnerable areas of character of my life.  Some areas are are obvious signs that God grace has been so real in my life, while other areas of my life seem to beg for more grace to perfect. 

I'm so grateful that I am a continual "work-in progress"…and that God is so patient with me in the midst of my ever-dependent need for His forgiveness while I learn.

Recently, I have felt a nudge in my heart about a particular area of my life - and after awhile, it was difficult to NOT want to change.  

"Natalie - let your "Yes" mean yes, and let your "NO" mean no.  Your word to people must be trusted."

THAT is what I felt in my spirit when I was sitting by myself in my room.  I was actually praying about something completely different, when I heard the reminder very clearly.  I reached over to my nightstand table and grabbed my bible.  I opened it up to where I knew the scripture was… Matthew 5:37:

"All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one." (NIV)

You think that's good - check out how THE MESSAGE version writes it:

^33-37 “And don’t say anything you don’t mean. This counsel is embedded deep in our traditions. You only make things worse when you lay down a smoke screen of pious talk, saying, ‘I’ll pray for you,’ and never doing it, or saying, ‘God be with you,’ and not meaning it. You don’t make your words true by embellishing them with religious lace. In making your speech sound more religious, it becomes less true. Just say ‘yes’ and ‘no.’ When you manipulate words to get your own way, you go wrong."

I love the inspired words of God.  They never make me feel worthless, pitiful, or terrible… but in fact, they just make me want to change.  A LOT.  The words of God literally put a fire in my soul.  A fire that knocks me down with truth, and literally lifts me off my stupid "soapbox" of pride, and turn my eyes back on Him. 

Imagine if we were so intentional about the promises we made to others (not just those we love, or wanted to spend time with - but even strangers), that our words have actual "weight." What if our WORD actually meant something to the people in our lives?  I think we would be trusted more.  I am so challenged and completely wrecked by that thought.

The words of God are ALWAYS true - ALWAYS trusted.  He never lies, never makes empty promises, and when He says HE WILL - He does.   Because of that, we have full confidence in Him, don't we?!

I think we need to be better about being careful with our words - slow to make huge promises that we cannot fulfill, and quick to care for people by valuing their time, love, and even their hearts.  When we make empty promises that we maybe (intended) to do, but we physically cannot, we have lessened our credibility with that person.  NOT that people should become totally reliant on a person, but I think (as followers of Christ), we should be even more trusted to follow through.  

Let's be practical.  The simple fact that our schedule cannot accommodate every single party, get together, wedding, coffee-date, or phone call is completely understandable.  But before you commit, sit down and look at your calendar - make sure you can commit.  Telling someone that you "cannot meet with them until a later time" is not a bad thing. If that person is hurt by it, they will eventually get over it.  But at least we won't be making a commitment that we cannot actually commit to.  Your "no" is just as powerful as your "yes."

I have learned over and over and OVER again that I cannot be everywhere, all the time.  Sadly, I have tried to be.  Whilst I believe that God's grace can give us an ability to accomplish so much in a day, we are not superman or superwoman.  The people I trust most in my life are not the ones I get to spend the most time with, they are the ones whose word can be trusted because they are incredibly intentional.

So much of this can be translated into relationships too.  Ladies and Gentleman, if a girl or a guy continually allows their commitment to meet with you fall through, perhaps it's not the right time…or the RIGHT PERSON.  Trust me, if someone really wants to get to know you - they will MAKE It happen.  It's really that simple. :)

People deserve our trusted word - not just the words that sound nice in that moment. 

Without a doubt, I am completely aware that I need to be better at this.  In fact, I would say that this would be one of the weakest links in my life at the moment.  THANK GOD that He shows me how to depend on Him for grace in this area…it's impossible to stay the same.  

Thank you Jesus for speaking to me again…without you, I am nothing. 

Quit Wasting Your Thoughts!

For all the time I've spent worrying and doubting.

For all the time I've spent feeling worthless and without hope

For all the time I've lost wondering how my bills were going to be paid...

For all the wasted minutes I've spent wondering "where my husband was"...

For all the precious time that I have spent believing lie after lie about who I was/am…and who God is…I'm done.

I think the more I get to know Jesus through spending time with him in prayer and in His word, the more I realize my need for Him above anything else.

All of the time I spent on thoughts that were not His thoughts - I could have been accomplishing so much for His kingdom.  Of course all of these things matter to God - He created us!  

But I often wonder how much more I could accomplish in His name if I were to deliberately and intentionally direct my attention - my WHOLE attention to Jesus.  

I love Psalm 121… here's a great reminder when you start to feel overwhelmed by the things of life: 

(The Message (MSG)

121 ^1-2 I look up to the mountains;
    does my strength come from mountains?
No, my strength comes from God,
    who made heaven, and earth, and mountains.

^3-4 He won’t let you stumble,
    your Guardian God won’t fall asleep.
Not on your life! Israel’s
    Guardian will never doze or sleep.

^5-6 God’s your Guardian,
    right at your side to protect you—
Shielding you from sunstroke,
    sheltering you from moonstroke.

^7-8 God guards you from every evil,
    he guards your very life.
He guards you when you leave and when you return,
    he guards you now, he guards you always.

Not too long ago, I started to write something that I had been wanting to write for awhile - on the subject of relationships/dating.  But as soon as I sat down to write something...ANYTHING, the words never came.  I had all of this "experience" that I wanted to share to help people not make the same mistakes I made, etc…and not a single word would come out.  

It was at that point when I very clearly felt the holy spirit say, "Why don't you write about me?" 

He got my attention.  My heart sunk in that moment when I realized that I spent so much time on a subject that wasn't intended for this season in my life.  And immediately, my heart redirected back to Him.  It's not that the subject matter was wrong, or that it didn't matter to God (because He cares about healthy relationships!), but because my attention was not on Him.

No matter how beautiful or how difficult my life may seem at any moment, if my eyes are not fixed on the "author" of my life, then I will forget who He is - and in the end, forget about His goodness.

I am without a doubt - a hopeless romantic (deep down).  I think there are times when I pretend that i'm not, you know... I play it "cool."  I DO dream about the man of God that will hear from heaven and win my heart. But... that time is not now. 

For all of us singles - perhaps our time could be better spent on how we can be better followers of Christ? Or what if we placed more of our time into serving the people in our city?  What if we spent more time getting to know the words of God (by reading the bible), then we did on reading blogs about how to be a more "datable person?"  I know, that might have dug hard at someone - my aim is not to offend you. I guess, I'm realizing how time is so precious.  I actually think it's interesting - if we place more focus on knowing God, we will automatically be a better husband or wife one day. :) 

One of my favorite lines from a movie is from 'Hitch.' One of the main characters- Sara, says to her best friend who is struggling with the fact that she hasn't met the "right" man yet: "Casey, you're not sick. You're single. You just have to relax and enjoy the ride."  

Simple, yet profound.  Please remember this when you feel pressure to be in a relationship "because everyone else is…"  

I will still say the exact same things I'm saying now when I'm in a relationship - it's OK that you are single, people!

And I DO realize that there is a time and place for learning more on the subject of relationships and dating - if you feel that this is your time to learn more - then feel free to dismiss my opinion.  

I'll finish this very "touchy" subject with the message version of 1 Corinthians 7:17 - It has kept me from thinking silly thoughts more often then not:

1 Corinthians 7:17 (Msg)

^"17 And don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life. Don’t think I’m being harder on you than on the others. I give this same counsel in all the churches."

What about those "freak out" moments when we wonder how we are going to pay our bills? I have done this more than I would like to admit.  But what does worrying accomplish? Really…how does it actually move us forward?  

IT DOESN'T. You just end up with ulcers and physical ailments equivalent to that of an 80 year old.  NO THANK YOU.

So what if our response to those "freak out" moments was: "Lord, I thank you that YOU alone are my provider. Not my job, not my tax return, not my friends or my family…YOU.  So give me wisdom on how I can better spend and save my money so that I can serve your Kingdom with more purpose. Thank you for faithfully taking care of me every single day."

I don't know about you - but I am so challenged to let God have full reign over my time.  What takes most of our time? Shockingly enough - our thoughts do.

So if I spend most of my time thinking and evaluating situations before I make decisions - then I'd better learn to fill my spirit with thoughts from Heaven - not thoughts that my brain conjures up when I'm having a bad day! Good LORD, I can think up some pretty ridiculous thoughts on my own - forget the devil. Ha!

Philippians 4:8 (msg)

^"8-9 Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies."

How good is that last part?!  When we choose to mediate on thoughts that are spurred on by our Loving God, his word says: "Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies."

COME ON! That's a good promise!

I'm writing this on a day when I need this reminder for myself.  God is so incredibly gracious and faithful to remind me of these kinds of things BEFORE I need it, and WHEN I need it. 

I don't want to waste any more of my time on thoughts and ideas that are not for me to explore just yet - or ever.  I'll let God open those doors when they need to be opened.  Until then, I'm going to keep looking Heaven-ward for my perfectly ordered steps.  

Remain faithful where you are - you don't need to go somewhere else with anyone else because you aren't "seeing your promised promise."  If God spoke to you about something, trust that He will fulfill it in HIS timing.  Don't try to make it work in your own ability.

There is a peace in "waiting"…no need to worry, fret, doubt, or get weary.  He will be faithful to complete what He started.

Spend yourself and your time on things that are moving the kingdom of God forward - which will, in the end, move you forward into the PERFECT will of God for your life.

That's a very exciting thought! 

Let God help you remove the unnecessary thoughts, ideas, and habits from your mind - "declutter" your thought-life! Love that idea!

It's Spring cleaning time - EARLY!

I Met Someone

I met someone…someone that I never thought I would or could ever deserve. He has completely won my heart.  

He is kind, gentle, compassionate, full of mercy and grace, with a strength like no other.  When I wake up, he's the first person I need to talk to and the last one at the end of the day.  He never gets tired of me talking to him - or sharing my deepest fears, concerns, or even my complaints.  His patience for me is unlike any other. 

He is my BEST friend, and my closest confidant.  When I mess up, He's the first one to forgive me…even if I feel unforgivable.  When my heart is broken, He will fight for me in a way that can only be described as a fierce grace.  Then in the same moment, He will speak life over me...for as long as it takes...until my heart is mended.  

Even through all of the selfish decision making, and intentional betrayal,  He still forgives me…and welcomes me back with open arms.  He never reminds me of the things He's already forgiven me of,  but He believes i'm capable of not making the same mistakes again.  He believes in ME.  

He doesn't entertain fear, and He doesn't dread bad days.  He believes that challenges only make us stronger, and more reliant on the unfailing faithfulness of God.  In fact, in the most darkest of days, He was the only tender voice that could speak peace to the storm in my mind - always the great reminder of what God says and thinks about me. 

I have never known a greater servant of people, or a greater example of the heart of our creator God.  The crazy thing is that I should be serving Him…every single second.  If ANYONE has earned it, He has.  

Besides the love my parents showed me, He was the first example of an unconditional, unfailing, no strings-attached, greater-than-the-ocean kind of love.  A love so redeeming, that it was nearly impossible for me not to open my heart to Him.   There has never been a moment I didn't feel safe with Him, because He so wisely protects my heart.  I have only realized lately how It was only in the moments when I thought there was something better than Him, that my heart was broken and not cared for.  You see, He knows what is best for me.  He knows the perfect job, the perfect relationships, even the right place for me to call HOME.  He knows…and He gently leads me (never pushing me) towards them. 

He is "THE example of ALL examples" of the most incredible man to ever walk the planet.  He is perfect in every single sense of the word. - and He was the FIRST man to ever win my heart.  

I could honestly write Him a love letter every single day…simply because of who He is.    

In fact, at one point - He stood before all of my accusers on my behalf.  There was a sentence of death on my life, and He took my place.  He died for ME.  

He is not only the King of my heart…but He is King of ALL.  

I still can't comprehend how and why He loves me the way that He does…but it's true.

When I just THINK about His love for me, I can't stop smiling.  I'm sure the strangers I pass on the streets of NYC think I'm crazy...but I don't care. 

He has completely won my heart.  

He is PERFECT.  

And this love that He has for me…it's not JUST for me…it's for everyone.  It's for YOU.  

The man that I met years ago is JESUS.   He already knew me… but He was waiting so patiently for me to come and meet Him.  

I'm so glad I did.

He is my "forever" smile.

The Best Alarm to Ever Wake Me Up

"PREPARE."

That is the word I heard in my spirit when I woke up on Wednesday of last week.

Strangely enough, I'm convinced that was exactly what woke me up that morning.  

"Prepare? Prepare.  Yes, prepare…wait. What am I preparing for?" - I kept saying to myself.  Then my thoughts began to wander (although I'm sure they were led by the spirit of God) to all of the dreams God placed on my heart.  For years, I've been storing up dreams, ideas, desires, and experiences…for this time.  It was time to start preparing.

Ever since I heard that word, I have experienced more awakening in my heart than I could probably describe…but I will do my best.

I have been meditating on this idea of "being prepared."  What am I doing RIGHT now to prepare for the very things that I have asked God to answer for days, months, and even years?  What steps am I taking now?  Or am I just "waiting" for my prayer to be answered without taking responsibility for what change that answer will bring in my life?

In the book of John…in the fifth chapter, "Jesus encounters a man who has been paralyzed for 38 years.  When he approaches the man, he asks him a crazy question, "Do you want to get well?"

Now I'm going to be honest, for the longest time, I always wondered why Jesus asked this question.  Who wouldn't want to get better?!  Are you serious, Jesus?!  But of course, in my lack of understanding as to why Jesus says and does the things that he does (which is ONLY what His Father leads him to do), I stopped asking that question one day.

It was when I was in a place of deep despair and brokenness that the spirit of God asked me, "Do you want to be better?" I remember wondering why He asked me that.  

"Of course I do, Lord!  I've been asking you to help me for so long!"

But over the following days and weeks, He began to reveal a deeper truth to that question.  He doesn't ask if we want to be well because we love to be in pain.  He asks us if we want to be better, simply because the healing means that we now have a greater responsibility to walk in that healing. And even greater, we have a responsibility to share that with the people we come in contact with.

We are no longer the victim.  Heavy. 

So when God finally answers our prayer, what do we do now?  Are we ready for what lies ahead?

If you are believing God for healing in your body…keep praying and believing and thanking Him for you healing.  He is faithful to His word.  But get ready for what lies ahead when you receive that healing.  Prepare now.  Prepare in your speech about who God is to those who don't know Him.  Prepare in your heart.  Speak life, always.  

I think sometimes we think our perspective is going to change ONCE we receive the answer to our prayer.  In some ways, this is true.  But for the most part, our habits and beliefs stay the same.  

If you are asking (begging) God for a spouse to come into your life, start preparing now.  You aren't perfect, so don't expect perfection in the one you are "waiting" for.  Search after, and get to know the heart of Jesus…and you'll automatically be a better man or woman for someone else.  Stop asking for it, and thank God for it…and keep preparing.  Take a look at how you live your life now.  If you have unhealthy habits in relationships now, that won't change later when you find the man or woman of your dreams.  Start being an amazing spouse now.  Ask yourself the hard questions about the areas in your life that you can begin to adjust.  But always remember to be patient with yourself in the process…just like we should be with others. If God is patient with us, why shouldn't we be patient with ourselves?  

If you are asking God to open doors of opportunity in your career or in your finances, start preparing now.  Ask God to give you wisdom in the big and small things; with large and small amounts of money.  Remember, if we are faithful with the little…He can entrust much to us, because He knows we can take care of it.  

Someone once said to me, "The harvest is more work than the preparation."

The more I think about that, the more I realize how true that is!  Take a farmer for example.  Now, I know NOTHING about being a farmer, but I do know that they have to know how to handle a large harvest of crops.  They sow the seeds and wait - that's actually the easy part.  Then as soon as they start to see the first part of their fruit begin to bud, they have to protect it against critters and other animals.  They also learn to protect it against the conditions of the unpredictable weather.  Then once the harvest has completely come to fruition, a farmer has to know how much to store, invest, sell, and even how to keep that product healthy for consumption.  The work is in the harvest.  It is a joyous time, but it is a season of exponential growth.  If the farmer doesn't follow through with all of the steps to prepare for the harvest, He won't be ready for it.  Once he receives the harvest, he won't know how to take care of it, and most likely it will wither and die. 

I am happy to wait longer for the answer to my dreams/prayer to come, because I know that each day (If I allow God to move in my heart), I am being made more like Christ in that area of my life.  I am preparing to be the best that I can be.  The reality is, we may be asking God for something that we have not ever experienced before…which is highly likely.  But that doesn't  mean that God can't give us wisdom and understanding about that very thing long before we ever receive it.

The bible actually says to ask for wisdom, and we will receive it.  So, that's what I'm doing…in every area of my life.   I'm asking God for wisdom in my finances because I believe He can entrust much into my life for His kingdom, if I do so.  I'm asking God to lead me in my relationships, lead me to godly examples of wife and a mother so that I can learn the "unforced rhythms" of the day-to-day-mundaine tasks…so I never despise the days ahead that may seem dormant.  

Preparation isn't attractive to most people.  It means that you make decisions to not do certain things that you've always done, because you need to spend your time wisely in preparation.  Preparation will probably come with criticism and cynicism from all sides.  Don't let up - keep going!  

Prepare. Prepare. Prepare….and then watch God open the most insane doors of opportunity for you!  

Watch Him trust you with more…now, THAT is humbling.  

"PREPARE." - That was the word that woke me up last week...and started the greatest chain reaction of new revelation and understanding.  

Best alarm that has ever woken me up.