My friend Lauren and I have this on-going joke every time we travel anywhere together on the train. For a while, every time we would get on the train to go somewhere, we would argue (disagree) about which end of the train was the right end to get onto. Of course, I thought I was right...and so did she.
Well...the thing is...I was wrong almost every time. The truth is, I can figure out where I'm going, if you give me a map. But, I am actually what they call "directionally challenged..." I mean, I can't be good at EVERYTHING. :)
Lauren and I would laugh about it afterwards - about how "sure" I was about where we were going, and how I was actually wrong. I'm so glad I have no problem apologizing and admitting that i'm wrong. Otherwise, I would have some serious self esteem issues!
I was thinking about these moments this morning...thinking about how ridiculous it is when we THINK we know the right direction. We are right..darn it!
"I KNOW this is right! I've done this so many times...and I KNOW that this will take us in the direction we need to go!"
The last time I rode the train with my friend Lauren, we both asked the question, "Which way do we go?" My VERY quick response to this question as I threw my hands up in a "surrender" like motion, "I have NO idea...I'm done thinking I know the right way! You probably know more than I do!"
I finally got to a point where I realized that she knew more than I did. And it's not about her always being right, and me being wrong, it's about the fact that in this particular area, she had the knowledge that I didn't.
How close is this to our relationship with God?
I believe that God is so faithful to reveal bits and pieces of the "purpose" He has for us...but He doesn't reveal the whole picture. How could He? Not only could we not handle the magnitude of what He has planned for us, but we would probably try to alter the outcome in some way.
So, in the journey of following God, we get little glimpses of our purpose. Our first step is to follow that prompting and guidance...because we want the perfect will of God, right? Yet, somehow in that process, we cling so tightly to that one small puzzle piece of an idea of what God has for us. We cling so tightly, that we actually create a BOX that "tailor fits" that dream or purpose.
But...the problem lies in the fact that God doesn't fit in boxes. He is too magnificent, too great, incredibly sovereign, too grand, and too good to fit in a man-made box.
Isaiah 40:12 (NIV)
"Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand, or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens? Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket, or weighed the mountains on the scales and the hills in a balance?"
Oh, how I love Isaiah...so full of descriptions of our magnificent God!
God is TOO BIG to fit into our "idea" of how we think our life should look! He is in our dreams, and in our desires because He is the one who placed them in our hearts. But, there is so much more where that came from...so much.
The older I get, the more I find myself in a posture of hands raised in surrender. Every other day, I'm saying, "God, I'm done. I'm done trying to be the captain of my own life...I actually don't know what I'm doing without you. You always know what's best for me!"
By the way, admitting that you don't know what's best for your life and God does...is NOT a sign of weakness. Maybe some of you need proof of this...
When I first moved to Sydney, Australia to pursue bible college at Hillsong Church, I was sure I felt the spirit of God show me that was my HOME. I felt that "word" so strong that nothing could shake what I believed in my heart to be true for my life. It wasn't until my visa was a month away from expiring, that I started to question God.
"But, you told me this was my HOME."
At that very time, Hillsong NYC was announced in church...and I couldn't even count how many people were telling me, "Nat, have you thought about NYC?"
"NO, I haven't thought about NYC because this is my home! This is my home..here because that's what I feel God put in my heart." I was wrong. You see, in the end...I felt the holy spirit lead me back home to the U.S..and on to NYC. Five years later, it's very clear to me why I didn't stay in Sydney. I have been "stretched"far beyond what I ever thought I was capable of!
I used to only think I was good at singing. My greatest passion was leading worship in church...so that's all I imagined for my life. My vision was so narrow. The longer I walk with Jesus, and learn to "surrender" my desires and dreams into His hands, the more I see GREATER opportunity arise in my life. In the last 7 years, I have seen my capacity grow into so many different strengths. Sure, I still love singing, and I believe that is still a part of God's purpose for my life. But it's just that...a PART of His plan.
Isn't it outrageous that we serve a God that requires surrender, and yet, what get in return from Him is FAR GREATER than what we laid down? I have had many moments where I have reluctantly laid down my desires to pick up God's for my life, for that time. It always felt like I was losing something so dear to me...like someone ripped my heart from my chest.
BUT GOD KNEW there was better for my life.
Surrender is one of the most beautiful ways to worship God. It is an incredible mix of faith, brokenness, and peace all working together. The end result...a life we never imagined..even in our most elaborate dreams!
For the days I find this kind of surrender difficult I am reminded of Galatians 6:9:
"Let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up!"
KEY WORDS..."if we do not give up!" It's pretty simple really - we can't receive the prize if we quit in the middle of the race.
Why is it that even when God proves to us over and over, that His ways are truly better than ours, that we still need proof that He will be faithful to return to us what He asks us to surrender?
"Trust in the Lord with ALL of your heart...and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
"Take delight in the Lord, and He WILL give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4
Those two verses are not only reminders..but PROOF that He will be faithful when we surrender and trust in Him.
Another incredible thing that happens when we surrender, is that we create more room for God to actually do something massive in our lives! We declutter our heart-space from what 'WE WANT" and what "WE FEEL is right," and make room for the extraordinary life that God always purposed us to have! It's such a bittersweet feeling when we end up with a clean slate again. Our first reaction is to fill it with something...anything that makes sense!
Think about it. If we can make everything happen by our own efforts and works, then how good can our life actually be? NOT that good.
I'd much rather have the CREATOR of all creators...the AUTHOR of all authors...the DREAM-GIVER for all dreamers...I'd rather have God write my story. I'd rather surrender my minuscule idea for my life, for a much more exciting one!
So perhaps, we don't know what is best for our lives...and maybe, just maybe...God does. Maybe the direction that we've gone for the past how ever many years, isn't the direction that we need to go now. Maybe, just maybe, God knows the right direction for us. What if we stopped; just long enough, to listen to where He was leading us? What if we actually waited long enough for God to fulfill what He promised to us, before we gave up to easily?
God has the BEST life for us..just waiting for us to be obedient, attentive to His leading, and willing to surrender.
Give Him a chance to show you...He can be trusted.
