From One Single Woman to Another...

About 4 months ago...I was still heartbroken...still trying to figure out how I was ever going to be WHOLE again.  I remember sitting at home, alone - asking God what I should do about how I "felt." 

"God, how do I heal?  I know ONLY you can do this...but what can I be doing in the process?"

It was at that point that I - very clearly - felt Him lead me to read Proverbs 31.  

I remember the excitement I felt to read this passage.  I've read this passage several times, but I never really understood the reasoning behind spending a lot of time in this passage...until that day.  I said to God, "If you want me to read this, then can you please make one of these verses personal for MY life." 

As I sat down at the table and began to break down the passage-verse by verse- what I found was far more than I had ever seen before.  It DID become very personal for me...it came alive for me...and I couldn't believe how much these verses spoke to where I was at - in that moment.

I was incredibly encouraged and challenged by what I read, so I thought I'd share it with you ladies.  I took this from THE MESSAGE version of the Bible, but feel free to check it out from whichever version you prefer. 


"A good woman is hard to find,
    and worth far more than diamonds."

How do I even begin with this one...what is the definition of GOOD?  Basically - NOT high maintenance, kind, gentle, care-free, loving...etc...the exact opposite of bad.  I want to be a rare find.  Not because I'm special, or better than anyone else.  But to the man I am perfect for, I will be a rare find for him. That is what I am aiming to be..I don't want to fit into a mold set by the world.  I want to be ME. The best me that I can be.   


"Her husband trusts her without reserve,
    and never has reason to regret it."

I have to be honest, this is probably my favorite one out of all of these scriptures.  Her husband TRUSTS her...WOW.  How many times have we heard woman talk badly about their husbands to a crowd? Nothing upsets me more!  I'm not saying it won't be easy to not want to vent about something that will upset me, but I don't want ever want to disrespect or dishonor him as my husband...ESPECIALLY behind his back. I'll leave those moments of "stupidity" for when we will have disagreements face to face. Also, don't think for a second that woman can't cheat on their husbands. No man or woman is superman or superwoman...protect and guard your relationship AS if the enemy has a plan to destroy it. Because, NEWS FLASH - the devil HATES a healthy relationship.  I want my husband to fully and completely trust me with every single part of him.  I love the last part of this... "and never has a reason to regret it." WHOA. 


"Never spiteful, she treats him generously
    all her life long."

Not a hard one to misinterpret...spite is ugly.  Ladies, learn to deal with issues that hurt you and bother you BEFORE they get to the point of "spite." Easier said then done...I know.


"She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,
    and enjoys knitting and sewing.
She’s like a trading ship that sails to faraway places
    and brings back exotic surprises.
She’s up before dawn, preparing breakfast
    for her family and organizing her day.
She looks over a field and buys it,
    then, with money she’s put aside, plants a garden.
First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,
    rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
She senses the worth of her work,
    is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
She’s skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,
    diligent in homemaking."

This whole passage literally blows my mind.  Imagine if  we were all so diligent in whatever God had put in our hands that we were constantly creating, and finding savvy ways to do everything.  Even when I am financially well off (because I plan on being in a better financial place than I am now), I want to learn to buy and take care of things with wisdom.  God honors this kind of thinking...so Ladies, let's always be thinking this way.  It's not wrong to want nice things, but learn to take care of what you do have now. 


"She’s quick to assist anyone in need,
    reaches out to help the poor."

This will ALWAYS be important.  Learn to keep your eyes and heart open for any and every opportunity.  Maybe you can't do everything...but gather some other girlfriends and get to work! 


"She doesn’t worry about her family when it snows;
    their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
"She makes her own clothing,
    and dresses in colorful linens and silks."

I love this. Don't just let your husband be the one who doesn't worry...learn to depend on God for EVERYTHING, yourself...that way you can stand along side WITH him, IN FAITH. Also, easier said than done. :)


"Her husband is greatly respected
    when he deliberates with the city fathers."

This is very personal for me...because I believe God has shown me small details about my husband....this one is very important one for me.  Ladies, when you are being pursued by a man, make sure he is respected by the people who speak into your life. If he isn't (yet), then wait...it might not be time.  And that doesn't mean that he isn't a good guy...just might not be ready.  Ladies, this might be a good time for us to work on this for ourselves.  Are we respected? Not are we "well-known"...two different things. 


"She designs gowns and sells them,
    brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops."

This is just hilarious - I WISH I could do this...who knows?!



"Her clothes are well-made and elegant,
    and she always faces tomorrow with a smile."

Appearance isn't everything...but it does matter.  Respect yourself by taking care of yourself. Eat well, exercise, and I promise, you will feel better about yourself.  Also...there is nothing more attractive than a smile.  I have actually read studies that say that a man will approach a woman who is smiling and laughing (that might not be as physically attractive) over a "very attractive" woman who isn't smiling.  Hmm...not a hard one, Ladies.  SMILE more...joy is contagious! 


"When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,
    and she always says it kindly."

Also another VERY attractive quality...kindness.  Practice it often.  Anytime I see a man who exhibits kindness often, I'm immediately more attracted to who they are.  I want to spend time with them, simply because I know that they are not "too manly" to be kind to someone.  I will also add that kindness should not just be shown to the person you might be "interested" in for relationship...it should be shown to everyone.  A man or woman who does this consistently with all people, is a KEEPER! 


"She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
    and keeps them all busy and productive."

Learn to be proactive about what needs to be done and taken care of. Don't just rely on someone else to do it...you can learn this a single woman.  My dad taught me how to do a lot of things - something I'm grateful for.  Sure, I want my husband to feel like he has value by helping out with things, but I don't want him to feel like if he doesn't, It won't get done. That's just stupid. (too harsh?)


"Her children respect and bless her;
    her husband joins in with words of praise:
“Many women have done wonderful things,
    but you’ve outclassed them all!”
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
    The woman to be admired and praised
    is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
Give her everything she deserves!
    Festoon her life with praises!"

What an amazing statement to have said about you!!  I think that if we are all (by the grace of God) seeking to be the best that we can be...before we are married, we might just be alright.  I'm glad that I have had all of this time as a single woman...because I've been able to deal with terrible habits and beliefs that would have been detrimental to a marriage.  My goal is not to be perfect...it's to be like  Jesus.  

 If you're wondering if Proverbs 31 applies to your life right now...it does. And it ALWAYS will.  I think marriage preparation begins as a single woman.   Let's learn to find our "completeness" and "wholeness" in Jesus alone.  This won't change when we get married...or even when we have children.  Learning this now means that we will be better about not placing unrealistic expectations on people...and one day, on our husband. 

Ask Jesus to help you to be the most amazing wife, now.  You don't need a husband to be preparing for one...

Ok, I'm done. :)

Sticks and Stones...

"Sticks and stones may break my bones...but words will never hurt me."

WHAT A LIE.

We have all heard this quote...and were indadvertedly taught this "principle"...and how this one silly quote would fix all of the terrible things that kids would say about us in school.  Even teachers would use this quote as a lesson in class to address bullying.  The crazy thing is that I witnessed teachers doing the bullying...and it was nothing short of heartbreaking.  

Our words are SO powerful.  The bible has much to say about our words and how they can alter a person's life:

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits." Proverbs 18:21

WOW..."death and life are in the power of the tongue..."  Every single word that we say can either have the power to bring life or death to someone - even more - to our own life.

Just this week, I found myself in a conversation about another person...one that started out as "genuine concern" for that person, but quickly turned to negative complaints.  I hate gossip...absolutely hate it.  I usually stay far from it, and discourage it as much as possible.  But it wasn't until after I finished this conversation, that I realized my words about this person were bringing "death"...instead of speaking life.  

(I could talk more about gossip...but I digress :)  We've all been guilty...)

Often times, I hear girls talk about how there aren't any "good men" out there!  Complaining, complaining, complaining like they have it all together, but that there were no MEN around to meet them where they are at.  Here's the thing - Ladies (and gentlemen)... if you don't speak life over people, they may not ever become what they CAN be.

For example, if all I talk about in regards to the guys in my life is how they are "falling short" of my expectations, then that is exactly what they will be through my eyes.  I don't ever want to be the reason why someone doesn't step out and do great things.  I don't want to be the reason why someone begins to doubt the "call of God" on their life.  I definitely don't want to be the reason why a man is delayed on becoming the man of God that He can be.  

So - girls...and guys...let's be better with our words towards other people.  Remember that we will all let each other down, make mistakes, hurt one another...not because it's ok to do either of these things, but simply because we are human - and we are learning to be better people.  Let's encourage one another on the journey...choose to see the BEST in one another.

Ask God for wisdom in all of your relationships (friendships, etc.), and He will faithfully give it to you. 

I'd rather be known as someone who believed the best in someone...and got hurt in the process...then someone who was so afraid to love (believe the best) because I might get hurt.

Our words are so powerful...it's like our very own "built-in" weapon.  Be careful, cautious, wise, slow to speak, and kind with your words.  We don't have to be fake - just kind and full of grace.

What does it take to change the world around us?  I think it takes MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF GRACE for one another.  

I once heard a story about a GREAT man. Him and his wife often make a "home" for people...either in their home, or wherever they go.  He had a guy staying with them for a long period of time.  This guy kept getting into trouble, kept acting out, not living the life that this couple believed he could. But when someone asked this couple, "why do you still let him live with you...? What if he never changes?" This couple responded with this: "But what if he DOES change?"

WOW.  

What if our response to everyone was "But what if they do change?"

What if our words were quick to encourage - with NO motive other than to believe in the best in that person.

Life or Death...that's what our words are for others...

Another tip that I have learned - when you feel like you need encouragement, GIVE IT.

ALWAYS works...it's faultless because it's a "kingdom principle." 

"You’ll not likely go wrong here if you keep remembering that our Master said, ‘You’re far happier giving than getting.’” - Acts 20:35 (The message)

Love Again.

When I was (roughly) 12 years old, I broke my collar bone in a skating accident.  Up until that point in my life, I had never broken a bone.  I remember the feeling of realizing how much I needed that part of my body after it was broken - and how much I had taken it for granted before that moment.  For weeks after that, I had to learn how to do every-day-activities with a broken collar bone.  It was so annoying. That was the first summer I was allowed to go to summer camp, and I had to wear this "stupid" (my words) brace that was very uncomfortable and painful, at times.  Let me also add that I looked ridiculous wearing it underneath my shirts!

"How was any boy going to like me if I looked like this?!" - Oh, the selfish thoughts of a 12 year old girl!

But, in order for that bone to heal - I had to be uncomfortable...and go through some pain before it healed.  I'm now grateful for that brace.  If not for that brace, I'd be walking around with a strange hump in my collar bone and years of pain.

What about a broken heart?  How do you keep going, keep serving God, keep loving...with a broken heart?

Perhaps the road that has led you to a broken heart is a dream that hasn't happened yet.  Could it be a relationship that was good in all the right ways, that somehow didn't work out?  Even more, is it that you just can't seem to see the sunshine in anything - that somehow, your life is without taste, lacks passion, and your vision seems lost?

I can honestly say that I know EXACTLY how you feel - to all of the above.

Contrary to what many feel, I have not really seen a reason to be depressed about much in my life. Sure, I've dated the guy who cheated on me, and watched my heart get broken over and over - unfairly. Of course, I've watched someone else win what was "my dream" job and tour the world. Yes, I watched my (amazing) parent's marriage fell apart as divorce became a new label in my family. I also know what it feels like to watch someone close to me pass away.  But I have never REALLY known or understood depression - until earlier this year.

I had a good thing going.  An opportunity that I felt COMPLETE peace about was finally mine to live. In fact, many of the people I would call "mentors" felt that same peace.  It was a GOOD thing.  But before I could even be grateful, it was taken from me.  Confusion, heartache, and sleeplessness were now my closest companions.

I kept serving in my church, doing what I loved, but my heart ached.  Countless nights, I'd wake up feeling like my heart would come out of my chest.  I remember thinking, "Nat, you're being dramatic! Get a grip!"  Prayer was the ONLY thing I knew to do.  God, very quickly, became my protector, my friend, my peace, and my only HOPE.  I learned all over again, that prayer is a VERY powerful weapon against every single thought the devil launches our way.

Ephesians 6:13-18 in the message says:

"Be prepared. You’re up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it’s all over but the shouting you’ll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You’ll need them throughout your life. God’s Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters."

Month after month, I watched as others' dreams were being awakened.  I watched God do "so much for other people," and I kept wondering, "What did I do wrong? Where did I go wrong?  I know I'm not perfect, but why does my life look so different?"  Everything in my view looked "cloudy" because I truly believed that God did not have the BEST for me.  More specifically, in the area of relationships.

 The truth is, figuratively speaking, the roots of my belief in this area of my life were that "I would never have a good marriage, and that no man would actually want me."  I kept saying out loud all the "right" and godly things to say, but deep down, I didn't actually believe they were for me.

But - God's promises are not just for a select few... they are for me too.

Over this past summer, I watched two of my closest friends get married, and two more get engaged. God had a funny plan for me to see this happen.  He knew that I had to watch examples of beautiful love stories for my heart to be healed.  Piece by piece, my heart began to come back to together - strangely enough, through the beauty of others' stories and dreams coming true.

I wonder how many times God uses other people's successes to help heal our wounds...and are we listening enough to His voice to understand that is what He is doing?  My guess is probably not.

You know, I didn't feel like I was getting better - I still "felt" broken.  But God used my brokenness to help others as they walked through the EXACT same situation that I was currently going through.

One of the temptations we can face when walking through heartache, is that we "isolate" ourselves from everything that we are meant to be doing.  We are afraid that we will be a "burden" to everyone, so we decide to just be alone - and try to fix it ourselves.  Coming from someone who has done that on a number of occasions, the "I'll fix it myself" technique doesn't work.  You just end up alone. That's it.

Additionally, we believe the lie that we are so "broken," that we don't have anything to offer anyone. I'm so glad that God's voice was loudest during this whole process... I can't imagine if I decided to not continue to serve in church.  Isolation is actually a very selfish idea...one that I think we have to fight against. Don't you think that the devil would want nothing more than for you and I to isolate ourselves from others so that we can't use what God is trying to heal, to bring life and healing to others? Interesting...

I'm now at the end of this part of my journey - and I can honestly say, it's all been worth it.  I know God in a way that I never thought I would...or even, could.  If it weren't for this "painful and seemingly broken process," I wouldn't be healed and on my way to WHOLENESS right now.  

Today, the weather was perfect, and I had the chance to drive out to the beach.  However,  the only way to get to the beach is to go over a "steep" bridge.  I can't fly there, I can't even skip over the bridge.  If I want to get to the beach, I HAVE to cross over this bridge.  Our journey to complete healing is like my journey to the beach - it requires crossing over a "steep bridge." 

I recently asked God if He could help me fall in love again...with life, with HIM.

You see, I realize more than ever now, that there will never be a man on this earth that will come close to God...and that is perfectly fine - because there is only ONE God.  Sure, there will be a man who has the characteristics of God - and who loves in a godly way, but to require that kind of perfection from a human is not only naive, but it is incredibly unfair.

I'm on a mission to LOVE like God loves, to prepare to love someone else the way He does.  That means letting HIM change me from the inside out.  That also means giving Him the time to heal my broken heart and make it WHOLE again - something I'm not sure I had ever allowed Him to do until this year.

Finally, I'm excited about love.  

Recently, a friend of mine shared with me that She knew I was happy when I was watching others live their dreams, but that she wanted to see ME happy, living mine.  It was a hard truth to hear, but she was right.  That day, I was reminded that God wants this for all of us!

Sharing my struggle is humbling, but perhaps someone else feels the same way I have felt...and you need to be reminded that you're not alone.  The fact that God allows us to be that for each other is so sweet, and kind.  He could do this himself, but He uses you and I to be a beautiful reminder of His unfailing faithfulness.  Remember that God is near to the broken-hearted...

Psalm 34:18 says, "If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there; if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath."

I'm excited to share my love story with the world one day - in God's (perfectly, perfect) timing.  After all, God-love-stories are the best kind of love stories - we shouldn't want anything less! 

I'm breathing again...weightless again...free again...and seeing the present and the future through clear glasses.  

I'm ready to love again.

Thank you Jesus.