The Most Beautiful Adventure

If there is ONE regret that I still think about, it would be that I wish I would have stayed in piano lessons.  I think about this…PROBABLY once or twice a month, especially when I want to sit down and write a song.  I used to search for songs that had only the most simple chord progressions - because that's all I knew how to play.

One of the few songs I could play on the piano was an an old worship song that I used to sing when I was in middle school, written by Graham Kendrick.  

All I once held dear, built my life upon

All this world reveres, and wars to own

All I once thought gain I have counted loss

Spent and worthless now, compared to this

Knowing you, Jesus

Knowing you, there is no greater thing

You're my all, you're the best

You're my joy, my righteousness

And I love you, Lord

Now my heart's desire is to know you more

To be found in you and known as yours

To possess by faith what I could not earn

All-surpassing gift of righteousness

Oh, to know the power of your risen life

And to know You in Your sufferings

To become like you in your death, my Lord

So with you to live and never die

I woke up this morning with this song in my head.  

"Knowing you, Jesus…Knowing you.  There is no greater thing.."

What a powerful statement to make - and OH so true!  I haven't lived for that long, but I have lived long enough to know life without Christ - even if I was still attending and serving in church.  There were so many years that I spent NOT really knowing Him.  

In not knowing Him, I wasn't aware of His goodness.  I had no idea about his grace and His mercy towards me.  How could I?  I had a bible - which are God's VERY words…but I barely cracked it open to read on a Sunday. Even more heartbreaking, was the fact that I had NO idea how much He loved me.  I had no idea that His love for me was greater than my sin…greater than my inability to understand Him.  I had no idea that He was bigger than the problems I was facing at school, in my family, and in my heart.  I had no idea, because I didn't know Him.

When I first moved to Sydney, Australia in 2006, I was like a rag doll that had been through the washer and dryer one too many times.  I was worn, and broken, and torn, and faded.  

"There is no way that God can use a wreck like me…" I would often say to myself. 

In time, I began to start talking to God.  Just talking. Nothing fancy, or well thought out, or profound - just my broken heart exposed for MY God.  That is all He wants.  Just my heart.

Through the years, I have learned that a relationship with Jesus really is the most exciting, the most challenging, the most freeing, and the most safe place to be.  He is everything that I need - forever.  Yet, He knows me well…even more than I know me.  He knows that one day I will need another person to share life with.  He knows that my friendships are important for my "every day."

Jesus is enough.  He's enough for me…all the time.  He's enough - even when I think He's not.  When I think that earning more money at my job would be better.   In my most vulnerable and unguarded moments, when I would replace my relationship with Jesus with anything BUT Him…  He is still more than enough.  He is still good.  He is still GOD. 

I love Philipians 3:8:

^"What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ."

WOW.  "I consider everything a LOSS when compared to knowing Christ Jesus, MY Lord…"  There really is nothing better.  

There comes a point in a relationship when you don't have to defend why you love that person, and why they are the greatest person that you've ever known.  You just know it.  The conviction of your belief in that person is so deep, and so strong, that no one and no thing can take that away.  That is how I feel about Jesus.  It isn't just one moment that has led me to this point.  It is every, single, day, since I made the decision to make Him MY Lord and Savior. 

Perhaps, if I told you that He has been with me through seasons of success and joy.  Or that He has remained faithful even through the nights that seemed darkest - when my sadness was so real, I felt like I couldn't breathe.  His words were my very lifeline.  Maybe that would be enough of an explanation.  

He is just as real in my victories as He is in my failures.  He hasn't abandoned me, or turned away from me, nor has his love for me lessened because of my mistakes.  He has remained GOOD through it all.  

I am forever grateful for the blessings that God has literally poured out in my life, but even still, they aren't nearly as satisfying as knowing Him.  My friendships, my family, my job, the desires of my heart fulfilled… all of these things are absolutely necessary for our lives here on Earth.  But they still aren't as rewarding as knowing Jesus.  

If we could build our lives upon KNOWING Jesus, wouldn't it be easier to deal with the loneliness, or the relationship deficiencies we go through on a daily basis? Wouldn't it make it easier to deal with what feels like a "closed door" or a "failure?"  I think our immediate response would still be that the BEST is still to come.  That would be our response because we seek to know Jesus…and in seeking to KNOW Him, we find out that He only wants the absolute best for us. 

In seeking to KNOW Jesus, our dependence on one person to satisfy every single need that we may ever have would be redirected to the only one who can truly satisfy our every need.  It just makes more sense.  

When we live like this, we live COMPLETE.  We live whole.  When we live whole, we have a greater capacity to love others.  Basically, we always win.  

Jesus is the completion of everything He has started.  He is not only the author, but the finisher of our faith (Hebrews 12:2).  

He is IT…He is ALL.  

I'll finish with this quote from my daily devotional from A.W. Tozer:

"Martin Luther, the great Theologian, said that wholehearted religion lies in its personal pronoun.  When the human heart cries with the psalmist, a prophet, an apostle or mystic, it cries out "God is mine." And when the human heart worships God and says "mine," God responds by saying, "Yes, I am. I am yours."

Knowing HIM is the most beautiful adventure we will ever know.

She is Confident

At five years old, I was unstoppable.  I wrote songs and choreographed dance routines all the time...and they were...definitely UNFORGETTABLE.  With the biggest smiles on their faces, my mom and dad would patiently listen to my terribly written songs...which-i'm sure made NO sense at all!

I remember playing outside with my older brother all of the time.  I remember my dog, Zeak...who eventually ran away.  I vividly remember the day that I fell into the thorn bushes outside the front of my house whilst wearing only my bathing suit.  I remember playing Frisbee with my dad, and being carefree.  I remember so many good things about that part of my life.  I remember being full of smiles...and joy...and laughter.  I don't; however, remember ever lacking confidence.  It wasn't even a question of whether or not I could or couldn't sing a song...or whether I was good enough.  I just was.

It wasn't until I was around 10 or 11 years old that I became AWARE of my ability to fail.  It seemed like 'all of the sudden' I wasn't good enough, talented enough, brave enough, pretty enough...but who told me that?!

It certainly wasn't my beautiful mom, who never ceased to tell me how beautiful I was.  It definitely wasn't my dad or my friends, or my teachers.  Other than the usual 'kids being kids' ridicule in school, nothing was terrible enough to have changed my view on myself that drastically.

For at least 3 or 4 years, I was terrified to sing in church.  I couldn't even imagine performing for anyone.  I was silenced...and I wasn't even sure when or how I was silenced.

Finally - years later, I was singing again in church.  I was around 14 years old when I led my first song during the 'praise and worship' portion  of the service in my youth group.  That was the night I realized I wanted to do that forever.  (My dreams were clearly not big enough at that time!).  Even to this day, I still count it an honor and an unbelievable privilege (one I have not or will ever have earned) to lead people into the worship of our Savior.  I also believe with all of my heart that God has placed that desire on the inside of me because He has called me to lead in this area...for this time. I can't speak for the future, but I can speak for the now.  So, as long as I have the trust and the opportunity to lead people into His presence, I will do it with confidence - knowing He is with me.

Let's fast forward to now.  I am not an expert on "being confident".  I am however, aware of the moments in my life where I believe the devil (in his idiotic way) attempted to steal away the confidence I had in Jesus.  Just like the Lord has a plan for my life... so does the enemy.  His only (foolish) plan is to destroy my life...and keep me from remembering God's wondrous plans for my life. 

I truly believe that God doesn't want me to lack (for any amount of time) confidence - for any reason. He calls me (US) to be confident in HIM. 

Philippians 4:13: "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me."

Joshua 1:9: "Be strong and Courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

Why is it that I doubt who God has called me to be?  Why do I question my ability to reach out to another person and offer them hope in Christ?  Why do I lack confidence when I'm in a situation that is "out of my depth," when God promises to be WITH me always?  The answer is simple…I lack confidence when I take my eyes of Jesus.  I lack confidence when I rely on my own strength.

I've been pondering the idea of what "a confident woman" looks like.  Not just a confident woman, but a godly confident woman.  What does SHE look like?

I can trace back to each season in my life when God, so graciously placed and positioned incredibly mighty women in my life to lead and mentor me.  In every season, I was blessed by at least one woman who walked in a beautiful confidence in Christ.

The common factor I found in each one of them was not their ability to avoid insecurities, but rather their total dependence on God - and THAT brought them confidence as they walked through the things in their life that brought out insecurities.  I watched these women navigate seasons where they were COMPLETELY out of their depth, but yet they knew they were CALLED BY GOD.  That is all they needed to know.  They weren't concerned by the opinions of every other women around them, because they knew the voice of the holy spirit - and trusted that more.  Did they make mistakes along the way? Absolutely.  But their mistakes didn't dictate which way their confidence in God would go.

These confident women were beautiful - in every way.  They laughed...a lot...even in the worst of times.  They loved abundantly, even when they had nothing left to give after spending hours of their day with screaming children.  It's so much more than the way they were so elegantly dressed all the time.  Their confidence wasn't even found in their ability to prepare food in a way that made me long to do the same. It was the outpouring of love that poured out of every single thing that I saw them do.  They were not perfect...just confident in Jesus.

After thanking God (once again) for allowing me to walk through life along side amazing women like the ones I just described, I began to 'jot' down some thoughts and lessons I've learned from them.  Most of these ideas have come out of the hard lessons I've learned about living in insecurity, and how damaging it is.

Ladies- when we are confident in Jesus, we aren't afraid of stepping out of our "comfortable group of friends" to meet the new, shy, and  completely awkward woman who is sitting by herself in the back at church. We are comfortable even in the uncomfortable situations, because we know that the holy spirit is WITH us.  I pray that I always notice people...even when I am "busy" or "distracted"...that my capacity, by the grace of God, would be large enough to notice someone in their time of need.  I think when we are confident, we aren't worried about things like having enough money to help someone else, because it's so much more than that.  We know that we have so much more to give than just finance.

Why is it that females are so intimidated by one another!? I think it's utterly ridiculous - anyone else? Ha!  How about this one:  We are not afraid to talk to the girl who likes the same guy you like (and is 'prettier than you') because we are worried she might get him! (Hello! That's real.) Seriously, can we stop assuming the worst about one another!? #ForTheLoveOfGod.  One thing I love about the women in my church is that we are so quick to encourage one another. We almost thrive off of "compliment wars" about each others' beauty and friendship.  The moment a thought of inferiority, insecurity, or comparison enters our mind, we should quickly replace it with what God says about us. There is no time for any of that!

When we are confident in Jesus, we are quick to celebrate one another's victories and triumphant stories - not because it's easy...but because jealousy doesn't just "creep" in...it INVADES our spirit...and it's ugly. We choose to rejoice, instead of allowing jealousy into our lives:

"For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder..." James 3:16

A confident woman avoids comparison!  She doesn't even waste time comparing her body image or her talents/abilities with another woman.  I think we've all done this!  Instead she focuses on who God made her to be..and being the best at that.  She focuses on how to be the healthiest version of HER that she can be.  I LOVE meeting a woman that loves the way she was created! It's so refreshing!
I think we can all agree that It's exhausting being around a bunch of women who sit around and talk about the flaws on their bodies! TRUST ME, I've been that woman! What a sad conversation topic... and absolutely boring!

A confident woman isn't afraid to have the "hard talks."  She doesn't avoid confrontation because that is a sure sign of immaturity.  She is intentional about speaking up when it is necessary, and very slow to focus on the things that don't matter.  A confident woman of God knows how to say, "I'm sorry, and I was wrong."  She's not afraid to be humbled because it's ONLY Christ who gives her confidence.

A confident woman of God is dependent on the holy spirit for her guidance, wisdom, and ability to discern right from wrong...even for her ability to love people the way Christ does.

She doesn't know how to settle for 'second best' in anything because she is so closely clinging to Jesus.  She will never take a 'second best' job, or a 'second best' relationship, or a 'second best' opportunity...because she TRUSTS that God has His best coming her way!

I was talking with a friend of mine who was telling me about a guy she was getting to know. They have been getting to know each other as friends for awhile now, and she has become very interested in him.  (Side note: this guy is an incredible man of God who has honored and respected her since day one.)  She said the most "freeing" thing to me the other day.  She said this, "Nat, I've realized something.  Even if nothing ever happens with this guy, I'm ok. I'm ok, because I KNOW God has his best for me. I won't even skip a beat."

And I knew she meant it.

What if that was our response to everything?

I KNOW God has His best for me. 

I don't want to be known for whether or not I have a lot of friends, or whether I take good photos or not.  I don't want to be known for my ability to sing well or not sing well.  I really don't want to care if another person gives me a compliment about my beauty.  I want to be a woman SO confident in who I am IN CHRIST, that these things seem insignificant when compared to knowing Him.

To KNOW Jesus is all the confidence I will ever need...for now...and forevermore.

He can be trusted. 

Just a Simple 'YES' or 'NO'

"Test me, try me Lord.  Examine my heart and mind…"  (Psalm 26:2)

Wow.  What a bold prayer!  

One of the most "bittersweet" things I experience in life, is when the holy spirit begins to show me the very vulnerable areas of character of my life.  Some areas are are obvious signs that God grace has been so real in my life, while other areas of my life seem to beg for more grace to perfect. 

I'm so grateful that I am a continual "work-in progress"…and that God is so patient with me in the midst of my ever-dependent need for His forgiveness while I learn.

Recently, I have felt a nudge in my heart about a particular area of my life - and after awhile, it was difficult to NOT want to change.  

"Natalie - let your "Yes" mean yes, and let your "NO" mean no.  Your word to people must be trusted."

THAT is what I felt in my spirit when I was sitting by myself in my room.  I was actually praying about something completely different, when I heard the reminder very clearly.  I reached over to my nightstand table and grabbed my bible.  I opened it up to where I knew the scripture was… Matthew 5:37:

"All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one." (NIV)

You think that's good - check out how THE MESSAGE version writes it:

^33-37 “And don’t say anything you don’t mean. This counsel is embedded deep in our traditions. You only make things worse when you lay down a smoke screen of pious talk, saying, ‘I’ll pray for you,’ and never doing it, or saying, ‘God be with you,’ and not meaning it. You don’t make your words true by embellishing them with religious lace. In making your speech sound more religious, it becomes less true. Just say ‘yes’ and ‘no.’ When you manipulate words to get your own way, you go wrong."

I love the inspired words of God.  They never make me feel worthless, pitiful, or terrible… but in fact, they just make me want to change.  A LOT.  The words of God literally put a fire in my soul.  A fire that knocks me down with truth, and literally lifts me off my stupid "soapbox" of pride, and turn my eyes back on Him. 

Imagine if we were so intentional about the promises we made to others (not just those we love, or wanted to spend time with - but even strangers), that our words have actual "weight." What if our WORD actually meant something to the people in our lives?  I think we would be trusted more.  I am so challenged and completely wrecked by that thought.

The words of God are ALWAYS true - ALWAYS trusted.  He never lies, never makes empty promises, and when He says HE WILL - He does.   Because of that, we have full confidence in Him, don't we?!

I think we need to be better about being careful with our words - slow to make huge promises that we cannot fulfill, and quick to care for people by valuing their time, love, and even their hearts.  When we make empty promises that we maybe (intended) to do, but we physically cannot, we have lessened our credibility with that person.  NOT that people should become totally reliant on a person, but I think (as followers of Christ), we should be even more trusted to follow through.  

Let's be practical.  The simple fact that our schedule cannot accommodate every single party, get together, wedding, coffee-date, or phone call is completely understandable.  But before you commit, sit down and look at your calendar - make sure you can commit.  Telling someone that you "cannot meet with them until a later time" is not a bad thing. If that person is hurt by it, they will eventually get over it.  But at least we won't be making a commitment that we cannot actually commit to.  Your "no" is just as powerful as your "yes."

I have learned over and over and OVER again that I cannot be everywhere, all the time.  Sadly, I have tried to be.  Whilst I believe that God's grace can give us an ability to accomplish so much in a day, we are not superman or superwoman.  The people I trust most in my life are not the ones I get to spend the most time with, they are the ones whose word can be trusted because they are incredibly intentional.

So much of this can be translated into relationships too.  Ladies and Gentleman, if a girl or a guy continually allows their commitment to meet with you fall through, perhaps it's not the right time…or the RIGHT PERSON.  Trust me, if someone really wants to get to know you - they will MAKE It happen.  It's really that simple. :)

People deserve our trusted word - not just the words that sound nice in that moment. 

Without a doubt, I am completely aware that I need to be better at this.  In fact, I would say that this would be one of the weakest links in my life at the moment.  THANK GOD that He shows me how to depend on Him for grace in this area…it's impossible to stay the same.  

Thank you Jesus for speaking to me again…without you, I am nothing. 

Quit Wasting Your Thoughts!

For all the time I've spent worrying and doubting.

For all the time I've spent feeling worthless and without hope

For all the time I've lost wondering how my bills were going to be paid...

For all the wasted minutes I've spent wondering "where my husband was"...

For all the precious time that I have spent believing lie after lie about who I was/am…and who God is…I'm done.

I think the more I get to know Jesus through spending time with him in prayer and in His word, the more I realize my need for Him above anything else.

All of the time I spent on thoughts that were not His thoughts - I could have been accomplishing so much for His kingdom.  Of course all of these things matter to God - He created us!  

But I often wonder how much more I could accomplish in His name if I were to deliberately and intentionally direct my attention - my WHOLE attention to Jesus.  

I love Psalm 121… here's a great reminder when you start to feel overwhelmed by the things of life: 

(The Message (MSG)

121 ^1-2 I look up to the mountains;
    does my strength come from mountains?
No, my strength comes from God,
    who made heaven, and earth, and mountains.

^3-4 He won’t let you stumble,
    your Guardian God won’t fall asleep.
Not on your life! Israel’s
    Guardian will never doze or sleep.

^5-6 God’s your Guardian,
    right at your side to protect you—
Shielding you from sunstroke,
    sheltering you from moonstroke.

^7-8 God guards you from every evil,
    he guards your very life.
He guards you when you leave and when you return,
    he guards you now, he guards you always.

Not too long ago, I started to write something that I had been wanting to write for awhile - on the subject of relationships/dating.  But as soon as I sat down to write something...ANYTHING, the words never came.  I had all of this "experience" that I wanted to share to help people not make the same mistakes I made, etc…and not a single word would come out.  

It was at that point when I very clearly felt the holy spirit say, "Why don't you write about me?" 

He got my attention.  My heart sunk in that moment when I realized that I spent so much time on a subject that wasn't intended for this season in my life.  And immediately, my heart redirected back to Him.  It's not that the subject matter was wrong, or that it didn't matter to God (because He cares about healthy relationships!), but because my attention was not on Him.

No matter how beautiful or how difficult my life may seem at any moment, if my eyes are not fixed on the "author" of my life, then I will forget who He is - and in the end, forget about His goodness.

I am without a doubt - a hopeless romantic (deep down).  I think there are times when I pretend that i'm not, you know... I play it "cool."  I DO dream about the man of God that will hear from heaven and win my heart. But... that time is not now. 

For all of us singles - perhaps our time could be better spent on how we can be better followers of Christ? Or what if we placed more of our time into serving the people in our city?  What if we spent more time getting to know the words of God (by reading the bible), then we did on reading blogs about how to be a more "datable person?"  I know, that might have dug hard at someone - my aim is not to offend you. I guess, I'm realizing how time is so precious.  I actually think it's interesting - if we place more focus on knowing God, we will automatically be a better husband or wife one day. :) 

One of my favorite lines from a movie is from 'Hitch.' One of the main characters- Sara, says to her best friend who is struggling with the fact that she hasn't met the "right" man yet: "Casey, you're not sick. You're single. You just have to relax and enjoy the ride."  

Simple, yet profound.  Please remember this when you feel pressure to be in a relationship "because everyone else is…"  

I will still say the exact same things I'm saying now when I'm in a relationship - it's OK that you are single, people!

And I DO realize that there is a time and place for learning more on the subject of relationships and dating - if you feel that this is your time to learn more - then feel free to dismiss my opinion.  

I'll finish this very "touchy" subject with the message version of 1 Corinthians 7:17 - It has kept me from thinking silly thoughts more often then not:

1 Corinthians 7:17 (Msg)

^"17 And don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life. Don’t think I’m being harder on you than on the others. I give this same counsel in all the churches."

What about those "freak out" moments when we wonder how we are going to pay our bills? I have done this more than I would like to admit.  But what does worrying accomplish? Really…how does it actually move us forward?  

IT DOESN'T. You just end up with ulcers and physical ailments equivalent to that of an 80 year old.  NO THANK YOU.

So what if our response to those "freak out" moments was: "Lord, I thank you that YOU alone are my provider. Not my job, not my tax return, not my friends or my family…YOU.  So give me wisdom on how I can better spend and save my money so that I can serve your Kingdom with more purpose. Thank you for faithfully taking care of me every single day."

I don't know about you - but I am so challenged to let God have full reign over my time.  What takes most of our time? Shockingly enough - our thoughts do.

So if I spend most of my time thinking and evaluating situations before I make decisions - then I'd better learn to fill my spirit with thoughts from Heaven - not thoughts that my brain conjures up when I'm having a bad day! Good LORD, I can think up some pretty ridiculous thoughts on my own - forget the devil. Ha!

Philippians 4:8 (msg)

^"8-9 Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies."

How good is that last part?!  When we choose to mediate on thoughts that are spurred on by our Loving God, his word says: "Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies."

COME ON! That's a good promise!

I'm writing this on a day when I need this reminder for myself.  God is so incredibly gracious and faithful to remind me of these kinds of things BEFORE I need it, and WHEN I need it. 

I don't want to waste any more of my time on thoughts and ideas that are not for me to explore just yet - or ever.  I'll let God open those doors when they need to be opened.  Until then, I'm going to keep looking Heaven-ward for my perfectly ordered steps.  

Remain faithful where you are - you don't need to go somewhere else with anyone else because you aren't "seeing your promised promise."  If God spoke to you about something, trust that He will fulfill it in HIS timing.  Don't try to make it work in your own ability.

There is a peace in "waiting"…no need to worry, fret, doubt, or get weary.  He will be faithful to complete what He started.

Spend yourself and your time on things that are moving the kingdom of God forward - which will, in the end, move you forward into the PERFECT will of God for your life.

That's a very exciting thought! 

Let God help you remove the unnecessary thoughts, ideas, and habits from your mind - "declutter" your thought-life! Love that idea!

It's Spring cleaning time - EARLY!