The truth is, not much has changed. Or so it seems...
I still battle thoughts of unworthiness, failure, and fear. I still have mornings when I wake up with the overwhelming thought that I am not good enough, strong enough, creative enough, adequate enough, or beautiful.
You would think, at the age of 30, that I would be well over combating the thoughts equal to that of a 15 year old insecure girl, but sometimes - I’m not.
I wish that I could say that I never struggle with insecurity. Oh how good it would be to be confident in knowing I don’t fight against a lack of confidence..ha..that’s ironic. The truth is, I do…some days.
As I was laying in bed thinking about all of these disappointing “truths” the other night, I felt the holy spirit remind me of something.
“Your insecurities NOW, are not the same as your insecurities THEN..”
WOW. I have changed?
Now the REAL truth.
I don’t struggle with the same thoughts of insecurity. I don’t battle the same feelings of unworthiness that I did even a year ago. Jesus has redeemed and restored so much in my life, that I’m not even “moved” by the same thoughts that used to weigh me down before.
Day by day, He strengthens me. As I wait upon Him..as I seek Him, He gives me strength to withstand anything.
A few years ago, I sat with a friend who is going through a very tragic circumstance in her family. There had been unfaithfulness in the marriage…and every single fear imaginable came into my mind. I kept thinking, “Well, I’ve had boyfriends cheat on me in the past…what if I have this with my husband one day?” I was meant to be in my friend’s life as a support, and yet, I was afraid of the very same thing she was walking through.
Recently, I found myself in very similar situation. I remember thinking, “Oh, I hope I don’t start fearing this for my own life.” It was in that exact moment when I realized: “I’m,ok. God has already faithfully brought me through this in the past, and brought me to a place where I can TRUST Him with this part of my life. I don’t need to fear for the future.”
The TRUTH is, I’m not the same person that I was last year, or the year before. I don’t deal with the same insecurities, fears, or doubts.
The TRUTH is, I am walking with Jesus through new areas of trust in Him. I am learning to trust Him with parts of my life that I have not trusted Him with before.
So, it seems on some days, that I haven’t changed. It seems like I am still that insecure little 15 year old girl that ‘can’t get it together!’ But that’s not the truth.
It is a very GOOD thing to remind yourself of the TRUTH. Not the lies you hear all day long…but the truth.
We don’t need to build “memorials” around the things we used to struggle with..and stay there. Remind yourself of what God has done already. Remind yourself of what He has delivered you from, what He is in the process of completing! Give yourself a good ol’ slap in the face if you need to.
I love the line from the movie “THE INCREDIBLES”:
“Pull yourself together! You are elasta-girl!”
Ha! Perhaps we need to remind ourselves of how much we can do in HIS name. We are incredible…in HIM. We are indestructible in HIS name. We may have been struck down at one time, but we are back up and better than ever now!
Even if you don’t “feel” like it now.
Since when has our faith in Jesus ever been based on our “feelings?!” That’s what I have to remind myself of nearly every day.
You are not where you could be..or should be…or have been.
The truth is… He is strong in our weakness.
2 Corinthians 12:9-11
"And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. 10 Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong."
Now THAT is something to build a memorial around! Build a monument on the fact that in Jesus we are made strong…even in our weaknesses!
Be patient with where you are at…allow God to complete what He has begun. So yeah, maybe we still struggle with insecurities… let HIM walk with YOU through them. Let Him strengthen you as you trust Him with your heart.
You are better than you think you are. :)
And most of all, You are LOVED by a God who madly, and compassionately loves YOU.
That is the TRUTH. Everything else…is a lie.
P.s. A LOT can change in a moment...I just got back from a trip to Hawaii.. and there is no way that could have happened without God.
