Anxious for NOTHING

It has been quite some time since I’ve sat down to write anything. My excuse? Well, I could come up with a few.

“My laptop died, and will not raise back to life.” (Dramatic, but also the truth)

“I hate typing anything of huge weight or substance on my phone.” (This is for many reasons…again excuses)

Or, the most REAL and raw of reasons:

“I have been so stressed, weighted with anxiety and stress that I cannot imagine sharing another piece of me.”

Heavy, I know. Trust me, I don’t mean to be that way. Often times, I force my arms or legs to do funny and ridiculous moves to try and shake myself out of the introspective place I am in some days.  Some days, I feel like I haven’t changed a bit. Am I the same person I was 5 years ago…2 years ago…or even last year?

“Gosh…I hope not.”

These last 8 months, I have felt more anxiety than I have in all the years leading up to this one – combined. I don’t understand it. Some days, I grab ahold of the words and promises of God, and I take anxiety by the “metaphorical” neck and throw it out back where the unwanted trash goes. On those days, I’m on top of the world. I feel closest to God. I can feel His presence more than anything, and it strengthens my bones. Literally, life breathing into my bones.

But then there are days (not often) when I don’t “feel” as strong. “Have I been defeated, again?  God, are you there?”  Through the dark glasses I (at some point) put on, and try to see the sunshine through them. I have forgotten about the promises of God, and I have forgotten that He has already defeated my enemy.  Then something truly incredible happens…in the midst of the anxiety that has somehow taken over, I hear His still, calm, and protective voice.  Maybe not audibly, but in my heart…in my spirit.  He reminds me – again - of His promises. He reminds me of his love and grace to be able to do ALL things in His name. It is literal LIFE, breathing into my bones. 

So, you see…He still wins. God still wins.  I am not sure why I have dealt with anxiety for this long and for this time. I can tell you that I know it’s not what my Father, God wants for me. I can also tell you that He is with me, even in the heaviest part of it.  

Let me encourage you, even in my weakness. Call out to God, and HE will be there. I love how the Lord tells us in Deuteronomy 30:14 – “The word is very near to you…it is as near as the tongue in your mouth, as near as the heart in your chest...”

Psalm 145:18 says, “The Lord is near is to all who call on Him...”

Oh what a beautiful, beautiful promise. What a hope-filled promise! That’s enough to put that smile back on your face, and a joyful belly-aching laugh back in your tummy! (Yes I said tummy…because that’s what you call it when you’re a child. God’s in the business of freeing us to the point where we see things with a child-like spirit.)

I love my church. I am also so blessed that I am a part of a church that creates some really good music.  The most recent album is called “EMPIRES.” TRUST ME…you want to listen to this. Even if you’re thinking, “I don’t even go to church.” PERFECT, actually. One of my favorite tunes on the album is so close to the life-giving words I have felt from Jesus, and the prayers I have prayed in response.  Check it out. I think you’ll be glad you did.

 

CLOSER THAN YOU KNOW - Hillsong United

I tempered the storm
Though your faith was small
I prayed while you slept
And the night waged war
We stood in the fire
And we walked on sea
And we drank of the wine
That was made of Me

Don't turn your eyes from Me
For My love won't be undone
Don't hide your face from Me
For My light has surely come

I carried that cross
And I felt your pain
I took up your crown
And I wore your shame
And death was a fire
And its teeth were grim
But I left it behind
Along with all your sin

Don't turn away from Me
For My love won't be undone
Don't hide your face from Me
For My light has surely come
Surely Come surely come

Lift up your eyes and see
Heaven is closer than you know
Lift up your voice and sing
Know that My love won't let you go
And I won't forsake you

And My light has surely come
Surely come surely come
And I'm closer than you know
And I'm closer than you know

Lord, I hear You I know You're there
Closer now than my skin and bones could dare
Breathing deep within me
You are always with me

I can see You where eyes can't stare
Brighter now than the sun could ever dare
Breathing all around me
God I know You're with me here

And my soul knows well
You are here

You are here
And my soul will praise You
And my soul will praise Your Name
Singing Holy is Your Name
Jesus