On the Defense

I’m about to share something with you that is very personal, raw, and well…a little bit embarrassing. Let this be (by the grace of God) a glimpse of encouragement – and even more so, a light in a dark place.  I pray that what I’m about to share with you will be so much more than my vulnerability. I hope you see and feel hope in these words.

 

When did I become so defensive?  At what point in my life did I feel the need to defend all that I am to every person? In my job, my relationships, and even…with God. When did my insecurity (unbeknownst to me!) unravel so much that I felt I needed to pick up the pieces and defend my weaknesses?

The other day, whilst getting ready for work, I realized how incredibly insecure I had been in the last year. I let the opinions of other people, or the desire to please others, so that everyone could be comfortable or included, lead me in making decisions. No one’s fault, but mine!  HOW EXHAUSTING. Sure, I’ve had my share of insecure moments.  I mean, don’t we all? The problem is that my insecurity had become much bigger, smellier, uglier, because I believed some of my insecurities were justified.

I was sitting on my bed going over and over in my head how I had let myself get to this place of “defense” in every area of my life. I immediately began to pray.  I’ve learned over the years, that if I believe God is putting his “finger” on an area of my life that I need Him to help me with, then I’d better listen. That means tuning out every other voice. EVEN my own.  

“God, how did I get here?”

There will be many times in life when we make decisions that won’t be popular or understood.  It’s not up to us to please the “crowd.”  Jesus didn’t worry about offending someone for speaking truth (in love, by the way…huge difference from just spouting out) He only wanted to please His Father in EVERYTHING.  He is the ultimate example of confidence. He never felt the need to defend himself. Even when He was being beaten, bruised, and mistreated. Even in the midst of one of the greatest betrayals we will ever read about, He remained confident of His purpose on earth.

When I truly walk in confidence, my need to defend myself becomes be less and less necessary.  I don’t need to defend my character, my ability to do my job well, or even my reason for why I was chosen for any great opportunity in life.  God placed me where I am, and has given me all the abilities and skills that I need.  Even greater - He LOVES me. Everything else…every other opinion, is secondary.  Every time that I doubt my ability or my “deserving” of anything great, I am discounting the power of God that lives with in me. 

Living “freely and lightly” as Matthew 11: 28-30 tells us, can only happen when we get with God, and pay attention to how He leads us.  So…let’s stop trying to have it “all together.” Whatever that looks like for you.  It’s ok to not be the best, to be the wisest, to be the best leader, friend, husband, wife, sister or brother.  Matthew 11 also reminds us to “learn the unforced rhythms of grace.” WOW, what a great reminder! Every time I read this, I feel as though the scripture is saying, “WHY ARE YOU TRYING SO HARD!?”

Maybe some of you are further along in this area of your life. If so, please stay that way.  Please continue to live bold and courageous lives so that others can see what confidence looks like. Don’t shrink back because you feel you don’t deserve where you are. The truth is, none of us do. Let that be a sweet reminder of the most wonderful grace of God in your life.  And…for the love of all things amazing (including chips and guacamole), don’t believe for a second that being confident means you aren’t humble! MY GOODNESS…I hate that lie. True confidence is a beautiful thing to watch. A man or woman that walks confidently, knows their purpose in life and isn’t ruled by the thoughts or opinions of others.  Confidence isn’t afraid of criticism, because it knows when to listen and when to dismiss it.  Confidence doesn’t avoid confrontation or critique because changing for the better is the greatest challenge and reward.

So, Walk in it. Breathe it. Live it. Speak it.

When you’re tempted to defend yourself, just stop, take a breath, and listen to what God is saying about you. I guarantee you it’s nothing but love and belief in you!